Alias
Tuesday

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Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A+
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It's Always Been My Least Favorite Day of the Week

Marshall freaks out. Syd says she's on her way. Back at Apple, Jack walks up and asks what kind of biometric scanner the firewall has. "Retinal," says Vaughn. Jack immediately picks up an earpiece and tells Marshall that the mission is still salvageable: "Look around -- do you see any sort of cutting tool?" Oh, that's not good. Marshall eventually finds a letter-opener. "You have to cut out Ulrich's eyes," explains Jack. Marshall is not pleased about this, and he doesn't think he can do it. "Yes, you can. I can talk you through it," Jack says. Marshall takes a minute to wonder exactly how much first-hand experience Jack has with this sort of thing.

Syd walks into the club and starts beating the crap out of everyone.

Marshall's ready for surgery. Jack instructs him to go under the eye and sever the optic nerve. "The bundle is denser than you think it's going to be," says Jack, like, who would have expectations about the density of a bundle besides Jack? I mean, really. The nasty bits carefully obstructed from the audience's view, Marshall digs in. Soon, we hear nasty liquid sounds, and Marshall reports that the eye is "oozing everywhere." Ewww. Jack is wicked pissed, and says that the eye is now useless, and Marshall will have to go for the other one. "Approach the second one gently, like a soft-boiled egg," Jack says, with a funny Bob Ross edge to his voice. He tells Marshall to look around the office for any kind of "digging instrument," and Marshall comes up with a spork. Why does a high-class guy like Ulrich have a spork? And still in its wrapper, no less. Maybe he got it on the plane on his way from Cuba to Berlin. Marshall asks Jack if the spork will do. "What's a spork?" Jack says. Well, I guess we know which fast foods restaurants Jack doesn't frequent. He always struck me as a Burger King man, anyway. Marshall explains that a spork is a half-spoon, half-fork, all in one. "That will work," says Jack, looking pleased to have discovered a helpful new instrument for his own eye-removing activities. Marshall unwraps the spork and gets to work. He removes the eye, and dumps it in a glasses case. "Done!" Marshall reports triumphantly. Suddenly, a guard breaks into the room, gun in hand. He is quickly dispatched by Marshall and a fireplace poker. Now that Marshall has removed an eye, he can do anything! Syd runs in and instructs Marshall to follow her.

They've made it to the basement. Marshall hands Syd the newly ironic glasses-cum-eyeball case and tells her to deal with the retinal scanner because he doesn't really want to look at the eye anymore. Although he does have a peculiar craving for soft-boiled eggs all of the sudden. Syd disarms the firewall, but two guards are on their way. Marshall sets to work on the computer while Syd fends off the guards. She takes one out quickly, but then shouts that she has run out of bullets. The other guard comes to get her, secure in the knowledge that she can't fire back because he's a guy who takes people's words for it. Marshall tosses Syd the cell phone, and she uses its last bullet to take out the second guard. "I was wrong to be so trusting," he thinks with his last breath.

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Alias

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