Alias
Welcome To Liberty Village

Episode Report Card
Erin: C- | 1 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Young (Fake) Americans

Everyone says goodnight, except for Sergei and Diane. She turns to Syd and Vaughn and says that it's a lot to take in for one night, isn't it? Syd's all, it's different from our usual jobs. Diane assures them that they're doing great. Oh, except for the fact that they're cold and distant and don't seem like they're a real couple. Ouch. Sergei instructs them that, as Americans, they're supposed to show more affection toward each other. He then hands them a pie pan covered in foil and tells them they have homework. "You want us to eat this pie?" asks Syd in a dry tone. Heh. "It's a little welcome gift," says Sergei. "Open it up." Syd does, and inside is an unassembled gun. "Are you familiar with the new Tokorev?" asks Sergei. Vaughn isn't. "Get familiar," says Sergei. "You'll need it tomorrow. And make sure you can assemble it in under twenty seconds." "And don't forget to put [Mrs. Spyneighborstein's] casserole in the fridge," says Diane. "That third layer's…tuna." Ew. Tuna casserole is NEVER good. And I love tuna. But cooking tuna? In combination with other ingredients? Why, that's just wrong. These people really ARE terrorists!

Sergei and Diane say their goodnights and leave. Syd turns to Vaughn. "Huh," she eloquently says. "Yeah," he smartly volleys back. Seconds later, they're both in the upstairs bathroom, turning on every faucet they can get their hands on, in order to have a private discussion about their current situation. Syd's all, what in the HELL is going on? Vaughn's all, dude! It's like a nightmare! With military security! That we're trapped in! Syd's all, why would they go to this much trouble? Vaughn's all, they must be planning an attack. Syd's all, what, on suburbia? Hee. Vaughn's all, hey, I don't write this shit, you know. Maybe it's a long-term infiltration or something. Syd's all, why steal the EMP if it's long-term? Vaughn's all, why train operatives to be Americans if it's short-term? There's more back and forth about the situation and none of it's particularly important until we get to: "What'd they expect us to do, just drop and go at it on the floor?" hisses Syd. "If one more person calls us boring --" says Vaughn. "He didn't call us boring, he called us cold," says Syd. She stops. "Who thinks we're boring?" Vaughn stops and looks at her. "Nobody. That's not the point." Hee. Vaughn wants to know how they should proceed. Syd just says they have to assume that Sergei's tracking their every move, so they have to maintain cover and act like they have nothing to hide. In the meantime, Syd's going out to do some reconnaissance, to see if she can find the EMP, and Vaughn's going to start on their Tokorev homework.

Syd goes for a reconnaissance jog and she runs like a girl. Well, yeah, I know she's a girl, but she really runs like…a girl. Look. I don't want to criticize the way Jennifer Garner runs, if this is, indeed, how she runs, but it looks like she's holding a grapefruit in each hand and has a spring attached to her ponytail. I'm not a runner (I only run when chased), but when I have managed to run, you can bet yer ass I don't look like I'm about to have a spasm in front of the White Hen on Lawrence Avenue. Let's just assume (and hope) that Syd's running this way on purpose and move on.

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Alias

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