Ally McBeal
A Kick In The Head

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Are You My Ally McMommy?

Ally and Bonnie talk some more. Ally says it would be "impossible" for Bonnie to raise Kid, and if Bonnie wasn't prepared for Ally to take the Kid from her, why did she have "a P.I. check [Ally] out?" Fifty-one minutes, forty seconds. Ally says she thinks Bonnie would "make a great mother," but tells her to "be honest." Bonnie sighs.

Closing arguments. Opposing side lawyer is all, "Please, he killed her." Richard sits still, then stands up. After a bad pun (they first dated "just for kicks"), he does a fine job, once again citing Oliver Sacks, describing the tumor and its effect, and concludes by saying that "truth is stranger than fiction. You can't fake a brain tumor."

Kid gets to choose...I mean, "say what she thinks"...I mean, says "what [she] feels." Kid feels "a hole," because she never had a mother. So, this fertility clinic just gave a guy an egg, just like that? That happens? Oh, forget it. Kid asks to be alone with Ally. Bonnie exits, and Kid flatly asks if Ally "is ready for this. Really." Ally says yes, because she has had a "hole" as well -- one that she "thought would be filled by a man." Hee! Oh, she means a hole inside her. It still sounds dirty. "Maybe the hole turned out to be [Kid]." Ally continues by saying that she knows "this sounds crazy, but part of [her] knew [Kid] was out there." Ally spent a lot of "money on therapists" trying to surmise "who that guy was," and the guy was "a ten-year-old girl! And she's home." Wow, way to make a kid feel special. I had a hole, waah waah waah! Kid asks if she's to call Ally "Mom." Ally says she thinks she "hasn't earned that." Oh, WORD to that. None of this has been earned. Not one bit.

The jury returns. They say the defendant's not guilty. Yes! Or something. Whatever.

Bar. Glenn sings a Dean Martin song that is also the episode title, "A Kick in the Head." Subtle as a guess what. You got it. John and Richard drink beer and make up, I guess, after John kisses Richard's ass.

Kid and Bonnie say their goodbyes. Bonnie is all, I'm adding a new song, wanna hear it? It's the theme (not jingle) to The Partridge Family. Bonnie sings a few lines, then cries. She'll send Kid's things, this is only "a trial," Ally promises they'll visit New York soon, Bonnie and Kid hug. The piano tinkles softly. Arrivederci, Bonnie Boone. "Now what," asks Kid. Now, Ally shows Kid her room, after they hug. Oh, barf.

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Ally McBeal




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