Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 1404 USERS: B-
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Double Indemnity, Dammit

Court. Helen's doctor is testifying about what it is she has: Dissociate Identity Disorder, apparently. Treated through therapy, until Helena took over. Helena discontinued therapy. The other suggested treatment is "radical," "could work," and guess what? Comes in a bottle. Risperadone is what he wants to dole out, but with Helena running the show, no way: she wont take the pill that "could extinguish her." Liza steps up to cross. Which core personality is stronger? Happier? In better mental health? Better physical health? Well, Helena. The doctor even says that Helen has higher blood sugar than Helena, and is at higher risk of developing diabetes. He knows this because the two personalities have "different personal symptomologies." Liza is all, thank you. She takes her seat and sits right on Fish's hand, which he left on her chair. The better to feel her ass with, I suppose.

The office. Liza tells Fish she wants him off the case now. Um, can she say that to her boss? And, WHY IS THIS CASE EVEN HAPPENING? Fish is all, you got weird when I told you I was falling for you! Wow, ding ding ding. Whoop whoop! Look who took a ride on the clue bus, all by himself! Liza says that lots of men fall in love with her. Fish asks how many of them call her "nice." She shoots him a look. He pushes it: "You're a nice, kind-hearted person." She hates him so much right now. Why? Because she "doesn't like it when people see both sides of [her]. It makes [her] feel all naked." Fish says, "Love is about being both soft and hard. It's like a penis. Fishism." Oh, fuck off. Richmondism. Liza says, "The meek get trampled. Just look at me like a lawyer, and as a sexual object." Fish says something that doesn't sound like himself -- he points out that they're not having sex right now. She smacks him and tells him to look at her like he really wants to, then.

Ally's office. Ally, John, and Beard are talking. Beard says that Helen "created" Helena because she hated and couldn't deal with conflict. Oh my god, we get it about the dual-personality thing. The judge needs to see Helen in order for them to win. And, Ally told her sitter she'd be home by ten, so can she.... Wilson walks in, looking mightily pissed. Ally's client is in Wilson's office and wants to speak to Ally.

Kyra-Helen sits in a chair, sketching in a notebook. Beard sees her and says, "Baby?" They hug and kiss. Ew. John steps up and says that Helen needs to be in court, and that there are drugs she can take that act "almost immediately." Cool. Give me some of them. NOW. Hey, did you ever look at your hand? I mean, really look at your hand? John asks Ally to take Helen home with her tonight, since Helen comes out for Ally, and Ally's house is big enough for a whole Brady Bunch of crazies. Then Ally can have a fun party, and bring Helen to court tomorrow. Helen hugs Beard and says she just wants her life back. Beard says he knows. Barf.

Ally McBeal

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