Ally McBeal
All Of Me

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Alex Richmond: F | Grade It Now!
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Double Indemnity, Dammit

Previously, Richard told Dame Edna he was hot for Liza and her "itty-bitty little sexual package." In another conversation, Dame Edna called Liza a "slut." In yet a third and totally different context from the last situation, Liza -- wearing only underwear -- told Richard she is "not a slut." Richard told Liza he's falling in love with her. Ally told Victor that "it's time [they] took a little break." She's lying -- she cold dumped the guy. He looked all teary and said, "Bye." She said "bye" back. What a boring previously. Except for the fact that this show is canceled and never coming back -- that part makes me happy.

Lights up on Corretta, in a sweet, ditzy, flowered suit, helping herself to some office foodstuffs and reminding Richard that he has led staff meetings before and he probably needn't wait for Ally to show up before they start. Seriously, dude, let's get this party started. What, you're waiting for Cheech and Chong to show up? My bad. Nelle nastily says that perhaps Ally is too broken up about the Victor thing to come in, and has "jumped out of a window in front of a bus, or is sucking on an exhaust pipe...the possibilities are as endless as they are painful." Ray appreciatively cocks an eyebrow at her. Hey, is that going to be the season finale? A gruesome, ritualistic suicide attempt? Hmm. I can see it working. Maybe David E. Kelley can, you know, give Calista a really great line reading of it first in rehearsal, to see how it plays. Show her the right arch to get as she leaps from the window. Just act it out, DEK. Throw us a fricking bone, here. New Guy Wilson asks if it's customary "for the waif to stop the trains." Only when she throws herself in front of them. Then, they stop. Someone want to give us a demonstration on how that works? DEK? G'wan, toss yourself on the tracks for us. Oh, and having Nicky Katt shot on Boston Public? Isn't endearing you to anyone, either. Ally saunters in wearing a teeny, Pucci-esque basket-weave blue-green mini-suit with a 14-inch skirt, half-shirt, and belly chain. She tilts her head and coquettishly says that she was late because she was sorting out the menu with the caterer for her birthday party. She's going to be thirty-two, again, some more. Everyone's invited to the party, and is warned to "plan their outfits accordingly." Nelle asks, sotto voce, who planned the thing Ally's wearing. Ally says she did. Liza says she loves "sucking on bellybuttons," and says she may give Ally a "butterfly" for her birthday. That's when someone sticks the tip of their tongue into another's belly button and flicks it around like a butterfly. Funny, I thought a butterfly kiss was done with eyelash fluttering. Liza concludes with the factiod that she's turned "innies into outies." Richard pops a boner, and Ally looks hot for Liza. What the fuck is going on in this laffy-daffy sexy workplace situation? And how could a show this slutty ever get canceled? Oh world, thou art so unfair.

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Ally McBeal

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