Ally McBeal
All Of Me

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | Grade It Now!
Double Indemnity, Dammit

Chambers. Ally asks John whether he meant what he said back there. No, he was totally bullshitting. Can I just ask, is the firm getting two paychecks for this gig? One from Helena, one from Helen? Does Beard have a gig? Maybe singing cabaret somewhere? Ally meant her soul. John says she is "nothing if not a soul." Yeah. Duh. Ally says that the best things "ever said to [her] always come from John." John says that Ally "helped save Helen," and that their souls "connected." Hooray. Whoops, the judge has his ruling.

The judge finds that Beard should be custodian of Helen. Helena stands up and says that the judge "just signed [her] death warrant." He bangs his gavel, the ultimate "whatever." Beard steps up and is all, "This is the right result." Kyra Sedgwick digs into her bag of acting tricks and roots around, conjuring up Helen. "Did we win, baby?" They won, baby. They hug. Fish and Liza barf in unison. Ally nods and smiles, satisfied.

Fish races after Liza, who is trucking to the elevator. She's pissed they lost. Richard jumps on at the last moment and asks if she thinks she'll have to "extinguish [her] cold, bitchy side" for him to love her. He says he fell for that side, too. She pleads for him to tell her why he fell in love with her. He likes that she's "cold, bitchy, smart, extremely sexy, and soft." She teases him by asking if he's ever fantasized about making love in an elevator. He says he has. She says she hasn't, not ever.

Ally's very very very fine house. Maddie wheels in a giant sheet cake with a million candles on it. Everyone sings. Ally blows out her candles with a stammer, pausing to laugh between puffs. There's a band in her house. Fish says he didn't know what to get -- they were "going to give [her] a getaway with Victor...bygones." Ally says she has everything she wants, but she is curious about the butterfly Liza mentioned earlier. Liza says she can only do one of those a night, and she already promised Fish she'd give him one. What a tease DEK is. Vonda starts singing "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love in My Tummy." Everyone dances like spazzes. Liza's phone rings, and then, kaboom, party's over and everyone has to go.

The lawyers march over to another Boston home. It's Helena's. She's moving out of her home with Beard. The drug "took Helen, quite possibly forever." Helena strides down the stairs in her home, suitcase in hand. "She said to say goodbye. Look, I loved her, too." Liza looks sad. "Technically, you should be happy," says Helena. The soft sad piano starts up. Vonda starts to sing. We see a watercolor of Ally and Maddie. My tape shuts off, at one hour, one minute and forty-five seconds. Aww! Well, that was closure enough for me.

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Ally McBeal




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