Ally McBeal
Another One Bites The Dust

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Ally and Victor Bite the Dust

Vonda's been dooooown, she's been down, down down...

Ally comes into the office, wearing a white skirt and a pretty ugly top. Is it old J. Crew, or is it vintage? Only the wardrobe people know for sure. Ally snippily tells Elaine that if JBJ drops by, Elaine should tell him she's in court. And yes, her vacation sucked, in case Elaine didn't get that. Ally rushes in to lead the staff meeting, and tries unsuccessfully to deflect all nosy queries about her sucky vacation, which sucked. Miss Bump notices that Ally is a little tense from not having good sex on her boring vacation, and begins kneading Ally's shoulders. Apparently, Miss Bump knows some "relaxation techniques. Actually, they're secrets," she intones, staring at Richard. Richard makes a sqeaky groan. He's got it bad, got it bad, got it bad. He's hot for Liza. Oh! Oh yes he's hot! Ally hunches her bony shoulders to get Liza off her, and says this is a staff meeting, not a forum to discuss their personal lives. New Guy Wilson points out that they were only discussing Ally's personal life. Miss Bump asks Richard if he wants to watch Miss Bump take a shower. ¿Que? Oh, forget it. Elaine comes in and tells Ally that JBJ is in Ally's office. But Ally just told Elaine to tell JBJ...oh, forget it.

JBJ has his hair all slicked back. "How do you like my hair?" he asks. Ally smiles. Then he asks if he needs to get another lawyer on his side. No, she'll take his case. JBJ is getting sued by an art gallery owner, who claims that he failed to deliver an agreed-apon number of paintings he was to produce for her. Oh yeah, JBJ also is an artist. He paints. Did that not ever come up? Heh, well, yeah, it never did. Not when they were dating, not when they were on vacation searching for non-boring things to talk about. Oh well. And the gallery owner is an ex-girlfriend. Mm hmm.

Dame Edna barges into Richard's office. She's concerned. He hasn't seemed like himself. He's been...working the past few days. Has he been trying to distract himself? From his unwavering, undeniable sexual attraction to none other than Dame Edna? No. Not in the least. Richard has been trying to distract himself from his sexual attraction to Miss Bump who, like everyone on the boards has said, is just like Ling. Maybe even a little hotter and "nastier," and Ling was "amazing." Dame Edna gets a violent attack of acid reflux. God, that is gross. Richard says Liza "is an itty-bitty sexual package" he wants to "unwrap." Dame Edna is bereft. The music, amused. I'm nowhere in between.

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Ally McBeal

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