Vonda's bleating out "Our House." Ally paints the wall behind the fireplace, and nearby, Richard makes a mess with the paint. For whatever reason -- maybe in the name of comedy? -- there's a toilet nearby that makes a "thunk" when Richard drops a bucket in it. He bumbles and fumbles and wipes a paint-y rag on his face, until Ally asks that he get some paint on the wall, maybe. He says, "Imagine if people said that to Jackson Pollock." That? Makes no sense. Then he asks if it's smart to do work before Ally actually closes on the house. Ally says that the bank assured her the house is hers. Oh boy, this is so lame. It's totally impossible to get in and do work before you settle, for insurance purposes and other issues related to lawsuits. And OF COURSE the bank will say "the house is yours." But last-minute shit happens. I hate this show. Then Richard says that this home-buying thing is all about getting a man for Ally, and that "the best men will be scared away," since they just want to provide for a woman, not hitch up with a woman that has already provided for herself. Oh, I really hate this show. Ally asks that Richard take this seriously. Richard asks if she "thought about furnishing." What, does Ally rent all the furniture in her apartment? Does she own not a stick of furniture? Ally says the first thing she'll get is a coat rack, because then she'll hang up her coat and "know [she's] home." Richard is all, "Yeah, that's all it needs."
French Stewart is on the stand, saying he still loves his wife. And when he gives her a diamond bracelet, she sings, "You aaare sooo beautiful, to meeee."
El Shrinkador says French is "compulsive, a classic case." He can say he "lacks the specific intent to commit a crime." Ally's all, wanna see my new house?
El Shrinkador agrees that the house is "fabulous. It's you! It's beautiful! It's sad. It's a dump." Ally only sees the potential, and the beauty; she says that she "wants to make mad love to it." Then there's Jon Bon Jovi standing in front of her. He confirms that he's "real," when Ally asks; he's also wearing more pancake than a baby in IHOP. The bank sent him. There's an electrical problem, and he needs to bring the place up to code. He'll be working in the basement for a day or two. Ally stammers that she said she wanted to make love to the HOUSE, the HOUSE, see, because she's a.... "an edifasexual," says El Shrinkador. She socks him. He tells her to trust him. Jon Bon Jovi drops his overly makeupped head and looks coy, or like he thinks she's nuts, or something. Ally smiles, like, hello, new notch on belt!