Ally McBeal
Blowin' In The Wind

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now!
Blowin' In The Wind

French Stewart is on the stand, saying he still loves his wife. And when he gives her a diamond bracelet, she sings, "You aaare sooo beautiful, to meeee."

El Shrinkador says French is "compulsive, a classic case." He can say he "lacks the specific intent to commit a crime." Ally's all, wanna see my new house?

El Shrinkador agrees that the house is "fabulous. It's you! It's beautiful! It's sad. It's a dump." Ally only sees the potential, and the beauty; she says that she "wants to make mad love to it." Then there's Jon Bon Jovi standing in front of her. He confirms that he's "real," when Ally asks; he's also wearing more pancake than a baby in IHOP. The bank sent him. There's an electrical problem, and he needs to bring the place up to code. He'll be working in the basement for a day or two. Ally stammers that she said she wanted to make love to the HOUSE, the HOUSE, see, because she's a.... "an edifasexual," says El Shrinkador. She socks him. He tells her to trust him. Jon Bon Jovi drops his overly makeupped head and looks coy, or like he thinks she's nuts, or something. Ally smiles, like, hello, new notch on belt!

Jenny sneaks into the office, her face flushed bright red. Glenn gets his one line in, saying he only sees her face that red when she's having know. She pops into her office. Corretta follows. Jenny went back to the orgasm chair, didn't she? Corretta's "seen that chair ruin relationships. Be very careful." The music is ominous.

El Shrinkador is on the stand, saying that French Stewart has an impulse disorder. "He predicates his love on his capacity to give, and is obsessed with making his wife happy." He's addicted to her happiness. The shrink says that people buy to escape, and he had a client who bought a house, "so much did she hate her own life." Ally ahems and stops him.

Ally maniacally scrapes a wall. Richard comes in and is all, ow, I think you're cutting into the wood. She turns and rapidly says that a lot of people buy houses, and not as a cure for unhappiness. Seriously. Richard says he "believes in houses." Because where else would people put their stuff? And having a home makes people work harder to get more stuff. Then he says Ally is "officially a 'have' person." Well, not officially YET. But whatever, I'm such a stickler for facts and truth and reality and all that. Ally says she isn't a "have" person and will never be a "have" person. Whatever! Jon Bon Jovi pops up and says he may be there longer than he thought. Ally says that's okay. Richard asks if he came with the house. This is so tired.

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Ally McBeal




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