Mr. Best-Interests-of-the-Child is trying to talk the judge out of granting a case based on Elaine's claim. John is arguing at the same time. Elaine is wearing gingham, the pattern of motherhood. John says that Elaine and the baby have already started to bond. The judge asks if he's building a case on "Finders Keepers." John says that the early bonding has happened but Mr. BIOTC says that they don't even know if she's fit enough to be a parent. John says that if her parental abilities are being questioned, then obviously she's a candidate for guardianship. Mr. BIOTC says that he's been tricked into saying that, and that John tricks people all the time. The judge says that there is a case there, and that the hearing will be held at 2 PM. Mr. BIOTC objects, to no avail. Elaine looks down and smiles.
Elaine has named the baby "Elliot." Ally is watching Elaine coo to the baby from the doorway. Man, if I worked at that office I'd make sure my door was always firmly closed. Ally walks in and sits right next to Elaine, but has to say "Hi" to get Elaine to notice her. You know, she was in the baby zone: the place where the diapers look fifty feet wide. This also kicks off a story by Elaine about being a little girl and dreaming about being a grown-up; there was always a child in her dream, but never a husband. "I used to think, 'That doesn't make sense.'" "Now it does," Ally says. Elaine gives a look like, "Thanks for stealing the thunder from my 'When I Was A Little Girl' monologue, Skeletor," and says, "Yeah. Now it does," without any sort of emotion. "He's really real, isn't he?" Elaine asks. "Elaine, he's really real," Ally repeats, "but he's not really yours. At least not yet." This kicks off the When I Was A Little Girl oboe and a close-up of the cute baby as we go to commercial.
I'm a big fan of the new Lever 2000 body wash commercial. Big fan.
We see a shot of a phallic building, so I know we're about to see the Bleach Boy. "Me? How can I talk her out of it?" Richard and Billy are in the Unisex. Richard says that since Billy's known Ally the longest, he might be able to convince her not to sing. He tells Billy that Ally plans on singing something "sexy." "Yeah, right," Billy scoffs, because he wouldn't have been attracted to her or had sex with her if she was even slightly capable of being sexy. "I'm not kidding. Elaine has her convinced. Can you imagine? Next we'll have Mary Tyler Moore doing porn." Cue the flush. Ally walks from behind stall number two with a set of kitchen knives. Oh, those are her arms. "You don't think I can be sexy, Richard?" I don't know why she isn't asking Billy, her ex-boyfriend. Richard stammers that he isn't worried that she can be sexy, but rather that after seeing her in that state he'd be unable to ever fantasize about someone else. Ally says that she can be sexy. She looks at Billy, who gives a guilty chuckle. Ally looks around and pouts and huffs like she's forgotten to pull up her pants as the Poor Awkward Ally oboe kicks in.