Ally McBeal
Blue Christmas

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Blue Christmas

Fade into Vonda keeping the baby awake with her singing. Elaine is cuddling the child making us go, "Awww." Fade to black.

A Get Real ad. Don't believe the hype. Do read the recaps.

Elaine is giving Ally tips on how to be sexy. I assume that she could do the same thing with a cardboard cutout of Ally and get just as far. Elaine holds the baby and starts grinding and singing to "Santa, Baby." Ally isn't sure if this is the right song. Elaine says this is the perfect song for Ally because it's "soft and cute and sexy," and she actually says it without giggling. Ally begins trying to sing so that we can have a feedback joke, but it's cut mercifully short by John running in and announcing, "It's time."

Ling and Nelle are in the elevator as Ling announces now she thinks she can have a baby. Nelle asks what changed, and Ling says that now they can laser off stretch marks, so the sacrifices aren't as big. Ling walks in and sees Richard holding a "baby." Ling asks if she can have him and Richard says, "Sure," and tosses the "baby" in the air. Slow motion shot of Ling and Nelle screeching and freaking out while trying to catch the obvious doll. Ling catches the doll and gives Richard a mean look. "I'd say he got you," Billy says, walking by holding Elliot. Ling says that was really mean and slams down the doll. "Oh, now look what you did," Billy says, referring to the silent naked baby in his arms. "Oh, let me hold him," Ling coos. I sigh the sighs of thousands of comedy writers. Of course, as soon as Ling leans into the baby it shoots the stream of urine in her face, this time with some magical Tinkerbell music playing in the background, so maybe she'll get her next wish granted or something. Dear David E. Kelley, Comedy comes in threes. That's the rule. The first one is the setup. The second establishes the pattern. The third is an unexpected twist. Adding pixie dust music to the stream of urine does not make an unexpected twist. It makes for boring "comedy." Perhaps it's time to hire a group of writers instead of trying to write all of these shows at once. Just a suggestion. Love, Hungry and Talented Comedy Writers Everywhere.

Ally asks what Elaine (who is now on the stand) was thinking when she first lifted the baby out of the manger. Elaine says that after she thought about how beautiful he was, she got the distinct feeling that he was hers. She'd held other babies before, of course, but she'd never had that feeling before -- of belonging to someone, that feeling of fate. Ally asks if Elaine is going to be able to raise the child all by herself. Elaine brags that she made plenty of money off the Face Bra and that she's "quite comfortable" and can work part time. She says she's spent lots of time around kids before, but nothing in her life has prepared her for this. Nothing prepared her for how she feels.

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Ally McBeal




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