Ally McBeal
Blue Christmas

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Blue Christmas

Elaine begins to cry as she says that she is ready to raise this baby. Ally gives a sensitive LTR. Mr. BIOTC starts laying into her before the Kleenex is tossed, informing the court that not only has Elaine created a Face Bra, but she also created condoms with "little sayings" on them. "How many men have you slept with in the last year?" he asks. John and Ally give a simultaneous objection. Mr. BIOTC says that he's trying to establish Elaine's lifestyle and that there is a difference between a past and a past. Elaine looks stunned. The judge says, "Don't go there." I ignore that remark. Mr. BIOTC brings up an incident where "Mr. Cage got cappuccino foam on his nose" and that Elaine sucked it off his nose like she was performing fellatio. We see some sort of flashback to illustrate the example, but that didn't happen in the foam-nose episode. She says it was in fun. Mr. BIOTC asks Elaine what a "fluffer" is. More objections. Mr. BIOTC reminds that the welfare of a child is at stake. Elaine stammers until Mr. BIOTC states, "It's when one woman gets a man sexually revved up so he's able to perform with another woman." Elaine says it's something like that. He asks if Elaine has ever been Mr. Cage's fluffer. Objections from Ally. Elaine says that was one time when John was having problems with Nelle. Objections from Ally. "I didn't know that he planned to spank her." Objections. Mr. BIOTC asks that isn't it true that she flaunts her reputation as the office slut. "I do that in fun!" she says. "What a fun mom you'll make!" Mr. BIOTC says, and then asks if family members sued her for the Face Bra. Elaine says that the case was dismissed. Mr. BIOTC says that regardless, her own family members believed her to be dishonest.

Cut to John, Ally and Elaine sharing a silent moment in the elevator. Ally says that it's not over. Elaine wants to know who in the firm ratted her out to Mr. BIOTC and gave him all that dirt about her. Elaine storms into the building and over to Richard and asks what he told DSS when they showed up asking about her. Nelle and Richard look confused. She accuses Nelle and Richard, saying they'd trash her "for the sport." Nelle says she didn't talk to anyone, and Richard says he didn't say anything negative and he's sorry she feels that way about them. Ling walks in carrying Elliot. "It was Renee," says Billy. He says that when he went to talk to Georgia, DSS showed up to speak to Renee.

"Ahhh said, she would be a goood motha, thasss awll," Renee drawls, like she's been hitting too much Egg Nog. No, you can't make Renee "Sassy" just because that whole "Baby" thing didn't work out. Ally accuses her again. Renee says, "don't be accusin' me [sic]", and some other conversation goes on here about "facts" or something, but I can't stop staring at Renee's blouse, which looks like someone sewed together all of the Christmas placemats they could find and passed it off as some sort of peasant blouse. Ally goes down the list of what Mr. BIOTC had said and Renee leans in and babies, "Well, don't be lookin' at me [sic]." I have a feeling that LNC is purposefully drawling out these lines to prove to David E. Kelley that successful professionals probably don't talk this way. At least, that's the story I'm going with. Let me dream, okay?

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Ally McBeal

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