Ally McBeal
Boy Next Door

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 2 USERS: A-
Boy Next Door

Back at What's Love Got To Do With It, Angela explains that she never misrepresented herself to Religious McBadhusband. Billy asks whether she was misrepresenting herself physically. She says that everybody tries to make themselves look better or younger. She just chooses a facial peel instead of moisturizer. Ally makes a gross-sneer. "So I had implants instead of a WonderBra," Angela continues, and Ally suddenly looks guilty. She said she didn't know Religious McBadhusband was such an "imbecile." She continues with, "But in marriage, you take people for what they are, not sue them for what they're not." She says that after making love to Religious McBadhusband she has a claim herself. She makes an inch sign with her fingers and says, "Teeny." The Judge looks uncomfortable, and Ally looks like she's fantasizing about Car Wash Guy.

The cross-examination brings up all of the herbal drugs Angela takes. He goes through a list until Billy shouts an objection for badgering. "'Bout time you sprung into action," Naked Angela wiggles, adding, "Big Boy." "Big Boy"? Who says that? Billy stands with his mouth open. Big Boy?

Richard tells Nelle that he's so outraged he's thinking about firing her. She brings up the fact that it's not really legal for him to do so. As she goes on about how she had to break up with John and maybe she was a bit cruel, her shoes start pumping up and down. She snarls that he still has his clicker. She says that Ling told her the best time to break up with a man was when he was in a crisis. Richard says that she is handling this badly. Nelle reminds Richard that John doesn't even like her: "He likes my hair, maybe." She says that John thinks she's a big snot bitch. "He finds it repugnant that I would never date a janitor." And she thinks he's "weird." She then goes on (and on and on and on) about the "funny-looking people he represented" and how he identified with them and she doesn't and how he invited them to dinner and how she couldn't even eat when they were around: "I've tried to be tolerant, but it's one damn thing after another!" Everyone is staring now. Richard leans in and says that he thinks she should discuss it with John. Nelle continues her body-jerks and head-flips and says that she can't because today he "managed to get himself wedged into an elevator." Elaine walks up as Nelle walks off and says that John should be out within an hour. Thanks for the continuity update, Elaine.

Richard walks up to Billy and asks how the case is going. He isn't really listening to Billy, but rather is studying his head. Billy is talking about the case, but suddenly there are Scary Violins and Drums and a shot of Billy standing all by himself in the room. "Where did everybody go?" he shouts. Richard waves his hand in front of Billy's face and says he's right there. Billy stammers something about needing to get to work. Richard tries to talk to Billy for a second and says that he's not good about things when they are bad: "I go into surf mode." "You wanna grab the remote and fast-forward to a happy ending?" Billy asks. Richard agrees as Billy starts to walk off. Music starts playing and Billy whips around to ask Richard what he just did. Richard is clueless. Billy continues to hear music and seems to be a bit frightened that he's just stepped over into Ally's world. Billy starts to leave, but then he hears quite clearly "Love Machine." Oh, dear Lord. Suddenly there are these computer-generated images of the Ladies of Ally McBeal dancing all over the tables of the lobby. There's better graphics in my Spice Playstation game. Billy is frightened. I'm terrified of how much this scene must have cost. Billy asks if Richard can see anything. He can't. Then the dancers go back to Solid Gold heaven. Richard asks what's wrong. Billy says he needs to call his doctor. Fade to black and commercial. Hey, Bill? Can you see if he'd write me something for some Valium? Thanks.

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Ally McBeal




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