Ally McBeal
Boys Town

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
All Day [Men] Dream About Sex?

Ling stomps into the ever-empty courthouse room with Jackson right behind her. She's annoyed that Jackson reduced her to a sexual object. He had to do it for the case, he explains. He has to explain this because she's apparently too stupid to realize it on her own. Renee bursts into the room, angry for the same reason Ling is. Jackson smooth-talks her out of it. Then the judge for the case comes in. It's the large female judge with the messed-up hair and unflattering glasses. She asks if she can step out of her robe for a minute. Ling says, "I'd vomit." The judge is annoyed with Jackson because he didn't treat her as a sex object. She says that, as a woman, she found his actions rude, as well as bad lawyering. At this point, we're all supposed to laugh and shout, "As if! It's so hilarious that this fat bitch thinks anyone should think of her in a sexual way! HA!" This is confirmed when the judge adds, "Plenty of boys go for the big girl," and the comedic music plays. See, Ally McBeal is like soap operas in that you aren't sure who's sexy until the writers tell you. A lot of the actors are just average-looking (but with lots of makeup.) The writers have the all the characters remark on a particular character's beauty over and over again. Intelligent viewers say to themselves, "Okay...this woman is playing a character who's supposed to be beautiful." The other viewers run out and buy magazines that feature the supposedly beautiful actress on the covers.

John and Melanie present the therapy idea to Richard. Richard would rather visit his proctologist. He says that men don't express emotions to each other -- that his father never said "I love you"; he only said, "Mamboquette." At least, that's what the closed-captioning says that Richard's father said. I don't know what "Mamboquette" means. I wonder if it was supposed to be "mambo cat," but then again, I don't know what that means, either.

Mark walks by Elaine's desk and breaks up with her. "I don't think it's working out between us. Sorry," he says, leaving Elaine shocked. Ally chases Mark into Unisex and tells him that he's not supposed to break up with someone like that. "How should I do it?" asks Mark. "Lie? Cheat? Move to Detroit?" Ouch! Meow, Mark! I love it. He goes on to tell Ally that she's been looking for projects since Larry left, and that he doesn't want to be one of them. Ally observes that Mark is being cruel, then leaves the Unisex. Richard walks in and asks Mark whether two people who fight should waltz off to therapy. "Mind your own damn business!" says Mark, before storming out. Elaine walks in and Richard asks her the same sort of question. Elaine calls him an insensitive, mean-spirited, pig-headed dope. The cowbell sounds as Elaine runs away, and Richard checks himself for B.O. I feel sorry for these people. Their bladders must be in terrible shape from all the unpurged running out of the Unisex that they do.

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Ally McBeal




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