Ally McBeal
Boys Town

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
All Day [Men] Dream About Sex?

"Are you lonely?" Ally asks John, back at the office. The two of them babble about John's issues with Melanie and Richard. Then, out of the blue, for no contractual reason at all, Ally hallucinates that John is Larry Paul. Larry asks whether Ally thinks she can fix everything. Then, the second time she hallucinates him, he helps her give John advice. "Use the Force, John," Larry says. Ally repeats the command. John -- thinking she's really clever -- brandishes his light saber and runs off to the Death Star. Ewoks appear and sing disco to Ally.

Jackson runs into the Fish/Cage lobby and gives Ling bad news about the jury's deliberations. I notice that Ling is wearing a huge, spider-shaped brooch on her lapel. At first, I found that utterly ridiculous. However, after visiting the etymology room at the local museum, I wonder why Ling didn't adorn her jacket with a huge Costa Rican beetle, instead. Jackson runs over to Elaine and asks her to draft a settlement agreement for rush delivery to Renee's office. Elaine gets all happy because of this attention, then sees Mark watching her suspiciously. Be careful, Elaine. You don't want Mark to die of a brain tumor, do you?

Fred Willard talks a lot of psychobabble about John's and Richard's frustration with each other. He manages to insult both of them in the process. He advises them to get away from each other, and from their codependent friendship. The lawyers leave the room slowly while Fred lets something or other wash over him.

As Elaine types, Jackson leans right over her shoulder and gives instructions. This causes Elaine to sweat one big drop while Mark watches like he's Inspecter Clouseau. Whatever. This subplot is so incredibly lame. Richard and John come off the elevator and bump into each other for no reason. Ling jealously tells Jackson to forget the settlement -- that the jury's reached a verdict. Mark runs up to Elaine and carps about her sweat. Elaine excuses herself by saying that not being single is new to her.

Richard hands John an olive branch in the Unisex. John leads Richard to his Hole in the Stall.

The jury decides that Ms. Albright should pay Mackey only $10,000. Ling says that they pretty much won as far as the money was concerned. "I was fighting for a principle," says Ms. Albright. "Yeah, yeah," Ling tells her. I'm envisioning a new slogan for Fish & Cage -- maybe something like, "Where we get you off and then kick you in the teeth." Ling walks out of the courtroom, but not fast enough to miss Jackson asking Renee out for a drink. She's jealous. Quick, Ling! Throw your golden spider at Renee and slit her throat!

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Ally McBeal




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