Night skyline. Oboe and piano. Nelle puts on lipstick in the unisex. John enters and Nelle makes a date with him. She wants to cook him dinner. He stammers an agreement. She says she'll "whip up something" and of course we're supposed to laugh at the pun. I mean, let's face it, it's no "Some pig." Jeez. Nelle leaves and John is frozen in fear. Enter Elaine "My body is a sperm --" Vassal. He asks her to do that thing she did last week. She enthusiastically agrees and begins licking his ear, calling him a hot, hot biscuit and biting his ear lobe darn near off. She says she could fry an egg on him. She slams him into a stall door and begins giving him a hand job while talking about "sausage." Cue inappropriate walk-in: it's Chrissy, I mean, Georgia. She coughs and the guilty parties turn to her. "I'm his fluffer," Elaine explains. John stumbles and mumbles into a stall. It doesn't look like Georgia needs to go anymore.
Who's singing "Fire?" What's that noise? Night skyline. Night skyline. Night skyline. No, it's really not the Pointer Sisters. What is that noise? Baseball field. Night skyline. Ally is sitting at her desk smelling her fingers like Mary Katherine Gallagher. Someone shouts "Ally" and the music stops with some sort of "needle scratching on a record" noise that has me wondering if teens who watch this show know what that noise is supposed to represent. Ally wipes her nose and regains composure. Well, she's not sniffing her fingers anymore, anyway. Ling walks in and tells Ally she's all flustered again. Ally says no, she isn't. Ling takes off her sweater to reveal an orange tank-top that when her hair is down around her shoulders looks like she's completely naked. Ally says she's just hanging out, relaxing, and then Jack Trippers out of her chair. Ling has stood up so she now looks naked. Ally picks her chair back up. Ling asks why she's nervous. Ally confesses that she had a great time...stammer...stammer, LTR and Ling says that Ally wanted to kiss her last night. Ally says yes, no, yes, no, yes and then Ling interrupts with "You're not gay," and Ally says she's not even ashamed to admit she doesn't want to be gay. Ally gives a final LTL and says that she had an "urge" to kiss Ling that night. Naked Ling stands up and leans in slowly and asks, "Do you now?" I hear the zips of a thousand Levi 501s around the country. Ling walks over and shuts the office door and asks Ally to come out from behind her desk. Ally says she was just going that way anyway, tee hee and Ling says she was thinking about it, too. Cue the hushed lesbian voices. Ling tells Ally she talked to Nelle about it and Nelle said something about new friendships being arousing or something...Ling wasn't really paying attention. Ling's lips are getting smaller as Ally's lips are getting larger. Nelle said this would probably all go away if she really did kiss Ally. "Maybe we should," Ally says. "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!" come the screams of thousands of teenage boys. Ling asks what Ally thinks it would be like. "Soft." Someone starts playing "Fire" again, but the record wasn't damaged from that needle because there's no skipping. "Soft," Ling whispers, and leans in for the HOT HAUNTING LESBIAN EROTIC PORN. They hold for a second so they don't actually kiss until the song says, "Kiss." Ally holds Ling's hair as they kiss. There is tongue. Teeth touch. "That didn't suck," Ling says. "Not at all." "One more?" They lean in to kiss again as it fades to black so that thousands of boys and girls can run to the bathroom to finish what they started.