Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 4 USERS: C+

Ally's Very Very Very Fine House. She and Maddie are packing. God, that was fast. Neck-snappingly fast. Judge Judy fast. Vacation-speeding-by fast. Should I savor writing this last Ally recap? No. I'll just get it done as fast as possible. Maddie says, "Tomorrow?" Yes, and Ally will go to the wedding, the reception at The Bar, and be back in time to make the flight to New York. Whatever! Like the details matter. Then, in dance that fucking dancing baby (wearing a Yankees uniform), a dancing Rudy Giuliani, and a dancing Hillary and Bill Clinton, but Bill is wearing an S&M-style bondage suit and Hillary is leading him on a leash. Oh my fucking god. Ooga ooga ooga up-chucka. Vonda sings the theme song underneath the ooga-chuckas. I barf like never before. Now more then ever, I am barfing. Ally tells the Dancing Rudy that "this is not [his] moment" (fuck you, DEK), and tells dancing Hillary that she isn't even from New York. Hillary tosses her head, and Bill giggles. Maddie is all, Ally? Who are you talking to? Ally says it's her "fantasies" -- remember she said she talks to them sometimes? Excuse her. Ally tells the various dancing things that they shouldn't plan on coming with her. The doorbell buzzes, Ally says this is "great," and the dancing whatnots poof into the air.

It's Renee at the door, wearing a white trench coat and not smiling. She says, "True?" Ally says, "True." Bud. Weis. Er. Renee walks around Ally, into the living room. Ally begins a nasty, stammering speech. She doesn't want Renee to "start, too," since "this is hard enough," and besides, they haven't seen much of each other anyway, lately, and maybe this "will force them to spend more time together" (is Renee in New York now, or something?), and they could look on this as "some sort of a reunion." Renee takes all this in without a smile. She looks like she smells a fart. Then she simply says, "Okay." Wow. Some reunion.

More Boston by air, at night, whoo! We land at the office, and John's face. He's having a flashback of his own, of one of the times he asked Ally is she'd ever "consider it" with him. Ally says no, because he's her boss and they work together, but "otherwise, yes, [she'd] consider it." Wow, that's hot. He sits, combing his rock garden. The he sits up; Nelle's standing in front of him. She asks is he's talked to her yet. Ally. "About what?" he asks. Nelle looks at him tenderly. John says they all have to move on: "Ling became a judge, Richard's getting married, Ally's moving to New York. People move on, it's a part of life." Nelle says, "Right," and moves right on out of his office. Good for you, Nelle. John still sits there, musing and pondering and thinking and staring into space, quietly. He's got some stuff on his mind, see. Stuff to think about.

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Ally McBeal




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