We're treated to a musical montage ("Walking on the Sun") in which Renee and the Whipper act like each almost-attractive job candidate is a Chippendale's dancer. Renee is wearing a red off-the-shoulder peasant blouse. Whipper's in a fuzzy pink turtleneck. Well, okay...some of the guys are cute. For a little hilarity hijinx, we get a shot of an overweight gentleman, from the nipples up to the numbly horrified look on his face. The Whipper waves bye-bye to him. This is the part where we ladies are supposed to hoot, "Woo! That David E. Kelley sure knows what women want! YOU SHOW 'EM, GIRLFRIEND!" and then we're supposed to be overcome by emotion and start kissing each other in a sudden, temporary, lipstick-lesbian-ish frenzy. Woo! David E. Kelley must be from Venus, too!
While Joel states his vows, Ally experiences a COMPLETELY unnecessary flashback to their car wash copulation. Then we get a couple of super-close close-ups of Ally's eye and the minister's and Joel's mouths. Then I yell, "Okay, we get it! Joel's vows are a sham! WE GET IT ALREADY!" When the minister asks if anyone objects to this marriage, we get an echo, a telltale heartbeat, a spooky violin, and a million reaction shots of everyone in the whole church. You KNOW who raises her hand and bellows "NO-O-O-O!" right? Of course it's Ally. The congregation gasps. Ling says, "Oh. My. God!" with an extra twist on the "God" part so it's not exACTLY like the way they always say it on Friends. After a bunch of blah-blahing, the minister asks her to whisper her reason to him. She leans towards him and says, "A week ago..." Everyone in the church leans forward to hear, their pews creaking. Ally leans closer and "...I had sex with the groom last week" is picked up by the minister's mike and boomed all over the church. D'oh! Everyone trips out. I cackle like an old hen. Reesa's mad, the minister's freaked, and Joel stands there like Robert Urich's wooden dummy. Ally tries to stammer out an excuse. Ling tells Richard that this is the best wedding she's ever been to. The minister tells everyone to stay seated while they take a short break.
In a room or antechamber somewhere in the vicinity of the church, Ally stands with her hands over here ears and her eyes squeezed shut while the parents of the bride and groom yell at her. Reesa's yelling, too. Joel's just standing around some more. I'm thinking, "He's allegedly smart and he's supposed to be handsome, but he's lame in bed, and HE WORKS AT A CAR WASH? The hell?" because certainly, as the attractive daughter of a rich man, Reesa can do better. Or so I imagine. Rev. Martian yells at everyone to shut up and then Ally apologizes. She says that it happened at a car wash and that she'd never seen Joel before. Rev. Martian's like, "Slut much?" Joel doesn't deny what she says. He takes Reesa out of the room to speak to her alone.