Ally McBeal
Car Wash

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | 1 USERS: A+
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Car Wash

If I stay up until midnight and then visit iVillage.com, I will be fulfilled as a woman. It's too bad, because that's when I play bingo online.

Back in the church's impromptu waiting room, Ling is expressing admiration for Ally -- a woman who identifies a fantasy and then experiences it. Ally thanks her. Ling adds that in Ancient China, Ally would've had her head cut off. Rev. Martian walks in and announces that the wedding's back on. He tells Ally that Reesa doesn't want her for a bridesmaid anymore. Instead of telling her to get the hell out of his church, he foolishly allows her to sit with the other guests.

If you can't figure out what's gonna happen next, you should be ashamed.

The hot and tired congregation boos Ally as she takes her seat. Richard and Ling are smiling broadly. The organist plays a tiny bit from Phantom of the Opera, or whatever score that spooky music comes from. Ally pouts and sits her butt down.

John is at the Unisex mirror, trying to get it together with his inner Barry White soundtrack. It isn't working. Elaine comes in and tells him that she couldn't help overhearing...that it seems she can never help it...and she puts her finger to her mouth in a way that is somehow not as mind-bogglingly annoying as it is when Ally does it. She tells him he's wrong to think that men like him can't be in women's fantasies. She moves very close to him, telling him that the sex is within. Then she whips around, giving him a face full of hair, and says that even though she's not the most beautiful woman, she oozes sex. John agrees. She says that he has to let it be within him, too. He reveals that he no longer feels the essence of Barry. Elaine suggests that Barry is jealous. "Say what?" says John's face. Elaine tells John that all the women in the office want to be with him because he's a hot little biscuit. He's amazed, and she says it's a good thing he doesn't realize the effect he has on them, because their lives would be ruined if he ever became a predator. John turns to the mirror and mulls it over. Elaine gets behind him and starts FEELING HIM UP. I swear, she did! She runs her hands down his chest, and then somewhere under the bottom edge of my TV screen. John's soundtrack speeds up. "I can feel him coming!" says Elaine. She and John dance in front of the mirror. I have to laugh. Elaine tells him to go back to Nelle. She says that if Nelle tells him to go away, he is to come back to Elaine. John does the finger-gun click at her and she moans.

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Ally McBeal

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