Ally McBeal
Car Wash

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | 1 USERS: A+
Car Wash

Fade into Barry White. John emerges from rice-papered doors into a bedroom, where Nelle's waiting and reading Blazer Creeping. She looks up at John and smiles. Barry White says, "I'm not goin' nowhere. I've got staying power." John turns off the lamps, lights a candle. Nelle takes off her glasses. John takes off his black silk robe. He starts to pull of his white undershirt (What? Another one?) but then rips it off instead. Nelle quivers with desire. John leans over to kiss her, but suddenly SHE'S BARRY WHITE! John's nose whistles. He tells Nelle she looks a little different. She says she's glad he's there. He says "me too," and kisses Barry White.

Vonda sings "There Are No Mistakes in Love." Renee paints her own name on her new office door. Ally is walking down the sidewalk, like she loves to do. A couple gets her to take their picture, then they take hers. She gives them her card, then dances into the street.

Last we see Reesa's hips and breasts. Oh, no, wait...there's more. Zoom out and we see Reesa Ally-McBealing down her own sidewalk with glistening eyes. Sniff! You go, girl! Go find your TRUE love! Someone get this woman a theme song! I really do like her dress, though.

The end.

According to the previews, next week's episode will feature "some of the most hauntingly erotic sequences ever filmed for TV." It looks to me more like "some of the most densely-packed lesbian fantasies of a straight guy ever to be paid for by homophobic sponsors." I didn't realize that it was sweeps week already. I feel bad for Lucy Liu, seeing how she had to touch Calista Flockhart's almost-nether regions for this episode. I bet she's talking to her lawyers about a contract change right about now.

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Ally McBeal




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