Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!

Mrs. Jones walks in and bumps into Richard who gives her a quick wattle wiggle. She walks into Billy's office to give him a gift. Oh, barf, it's a ceramic pig. "A little, sweet, chauvinist pig." "Baby, how come you don't buy me things like that?" my boyfriend asks. "Shut up and keep cleaning!" I yell back. Mrs. Jones asks if Billy is happily married. He says, "Pretty much." She starts to leave and they start gooing at each other and then they kiss. Jesus, I can't believe I'm watching this. Billy tells her it's okay-okay and they start really kissing as (I totally called this) "Me and Mrs. Jones" starts playing. They're kissing while Ling and Richard are playing with each other's creases. Ally and John are talking in a restaurant. Billy has his hand on Mrs. Jones' ass, and I know that Gil Bellows went home and called all of his frat buddies from college to brag that he totally got to feel up Farrah's butt. Mrs. Jones starts pulling off Billy's tie and he starts to protest, but of course he doth not protest too much and she pulls him on top of her. What the hell is going on, people? MALE FANTASY! MALE FANTASY! Georgia walks in so that the record needle can scratch and Billy introduces Mrs. Jones and Georgia and says they were just kissing. "I thought you quit," Billy says to Georgia. "I quit my job. And now I quit you." She drops her (quite nice) ring onto Billy's desk and walks off as it fades to black. "You'd never do that to me, would you?" my boyfriend asks. "Just keep washing those dishes, baby, and you'll be fine," I warn him. He may have dishpan hands, but his hair will never be bleached blonde.

So, what did David E. Kelley teach us today? Women will change their lives for men. They don't care when the weak men are feeling down (except if they themselves need chemical treatment) and if one of them is particularly insulting and sassy they will do whatever it takes to start mugging down. Especially if he's married. Georgia is so on her way to Ally's dad's bar, I can almost hear the tires screeching.

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Ally McBeal




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