Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!

Back to the court case. Right. Law show. Lawyers. Must do occasional court cases. Damn, how can we say "penis" in a court room? Bulldog asks Mrs. Jones why she didn't fire everyone who was skipping work. She said she wouldn't have had enough people to work if she had done that. He says that everyone thinks that she slept her way to the top and that's why the Boston office doesn't want to work for her anymore. She says that's an accurate assessment of what they think, but it's not the truth. I wondered why that line was in there until I wrote it down just now. "Assessment." Good one, Dave. Hey, I've got another idea. Maybe Richard could buy Ling some pussywillows to make it up to her. Or maybe someone could suggest going to eat at Cock of the Walk. Coxcomb? Just helping out. Bulldog asks Mrs. Jones why she did a semi-nude layout right after she got the job. She explains that she was promoting her own celebrity and then promoting the magazine by showing her assets in a centerfold. Even the judge looks at her like, "Girl, please." Bulldog recaps the past ten minutes until John objects for badgering and then his shoes start exploding. Bulldog says he's famous for pulling stunts and John's shoes keep exploding until Billy is yelling at him in a private room. Exploding shoes? When did John turn into Data from The Goonies? Billy apologizes to Mrs. Jones, and she says that she thinks it was effective because it broke up the momentum. Billy tells Mrs. Jones again that he thinks she should settle because they probably won't win this case. She says that the money isn't enough to settle. He says he finds it difficult to believe she was in love with an eighty-six-year-old man. Farrah is delivering her lines like she's getting them fed through an ear piece. "Hey, Billy, you said you'd take my case," she says, which sounds like a beginning of a Clairol commercial, but she's really just asking him if he's still on her side. Even though he doesn't agree with her, he's going to represent her. She says she's not the "settling type" and she didn't think he was either. The oboe ushers Mrs. Jones out of the room as Billy looks to the ceiling like, "Why, God? Why are women so continually stupid? Why can't a woman be more like a man?" Before Professor Higgins gets his answer we fade to black.

It's the holidays, so that means I'm going to be subjected to more of those inane Old Navy commercials with the Sister, Sister and Dumb and Dumber twins. I'll give you a book, you blonde kumquats.

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Ally McBeal




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