Ally McBeal
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Renee is telling Georgia that the pay is pretty lousy as some boy toy brings her some coffee. They are only filming Renee from the bust line up to avoid more complaints on our forum. Georgia says she's sure she wants to join the firm. Ling walks up to Richard and asks if she should quit too. She says it might be awkward. Richard asks why it would be and then Ling says that she's thinking about trying to be nice. "I'm bored with my character," Ling says more as an aside to us, and I'm thinking that either she was pleading with us, or David E. Kelley temporarily had no inner monologue. Richard has the titular line as he asks why everyone is changing. He recaps everyone's current character twists and says that a wise man said to him just yesterday that people don't change. "What wise man said that?" Ling asks. Richard hits "play" on his remote to show John's famous stuttering scene (by the way, I've seen that now about fifteen times. Enough.) "He's a sage," Richard explains to Ling. "He's also here again." Jack Tripper, I mean, John Ritter, I mean, John Cage is standing in the doorway. He walks off as Richard goes to console him. Ling stops him to ask if they'll be okay working together. Richard says that it hurts, but what can they do. Ling asks if maybe they should give it another try. Richard says he was thinking about that, but he doesn't know if that's a good idea. He thinks he'd like to be in love someday. He offers that he and Ling could just date. Ling asks if Whipper is the right one. He says he doesn't know. She says he should find out as she cues the piano again. She offers to let him say goodbye to her kneepit and she could say goodbye to his finger. They make plans for later. Ew. Ew. Ew.

John is beating the tar out of the Unisex stall doors with these giant boxing gloves. Giant. I mean, huge. The size of his torso. Ally stops him wearing her pajama top and some long silk skirt, confirming my earlier thoughts of her not being able to dress herself anymore. She misses her daddy, you see. Ooh! He almost hits her right in the head. Damn. She ducked. He tells her to get out of his way and she tells him "no" with this baby voice and declares that she's taking him back to her office (Male Fantasy Alert). She takes John by the ear and yanks him into her office, further humiliating him and not being a very good friend at all, but it doesn't matter because Ally thinks she's doing the right thing. Oh, and another quick shot of Elaine. Ally wants to know what's going on with John. She's all finger-pointing and hair-flipping and lip-curling. There's supposed to be this serious scene here with John talking about high school and being a freak and all, but those gloves keep it from actually being poignant or touching. He knocks a few things off Ally's desk for good measure. He liked being a "litigant savant." He says that Ally brought him out and made him think he was mainstream, but he wasn't. He's fascinated with frogs, drafts his closing arguments in bare feet, remnants in toilet bowls bother him and he can only make love to a woman if he thinks he's Barry White. Ally gives some sort of Hallmark crap about how ordinary is boring that she got him to embrace how wonderful he is because of his quirks. She's always considered him a soulmate because they are "fellow weirdos." Oh, Ally. Not everyone wants to be you. In fact, no one wants to be you. No one. You are scary.

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Ally McBeal

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