Unisex. Elaine informs Jackson that his nickname at work is "The Man in the Mirror." She tells him that with their combined vanity, they should easily steal the spotlight from Ally on her birthday. Also, she wants their song to be hot. Jackson tells her that he doesn't do Elvis. "I'm smooth," he says. "Oh, it's got to be smooth." Elaine smiles at him and says, "Fine. It'll be smooth. And hot!' Jackson smiles at himself in the mirror. Just when I'm starting to enjoy his character, rumors start up about Taye Diggs leaving the show. Oh, well. It's not like I'm not used to the show sucking my dog's ass. And I don't even have a dog.

Conference room. Melissa says that she didn't break up with her husband because she expected to have a relationship with Sting. She broke up with him because he refused to acknowledge that Sting loved her that night. "I know that I'm not likely to get the leading man," says Melissa. "I know that dreams aren't likely to come true for short little housewives from Brighton. But yes, in that one moment, I felt he really did want to be with me. And it was everything, I can tell you that. I'm happy with you, Louis. I love you. But to know that Sting wanted me, even it were for only a fleeting second -- that's...that's something." Come off it, Melissa. It's not like he's Stephen Malkmus. ["God, word." -- Wing Chun]

Ally looks at herself in the bathroom mirror and says, "Okay, just confront it. Deal." Then she chases the old baby across the living room and dives onto the floor to grab him. Instead, she grabs Renee's ankles and then gets up and explains it with no qualms at all. She's upset, also, because Larry didn't buy her lunch or flowers or anything for her birthday. He only got her an alarm clock. Well, that is pretty lame. I could see moping over the fact that you have a boyfriend who's too lazy and uncaring to do anything special for your birthday, but I can't excuse hallucinating degenerate babies over it.

At the mall, Richard shops for jealous-making clothes, with Mark to help him. They see Cindy Margolis and her breasts preparing for a swimsuit show. Richard gratuitously explains that her videos cause him to "abuse" himself. Then he decides to hit on her. Mark is sad that he has to be such an unimportant character who is forced to hear about the main characters abusing themselves.