Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | 404 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Do You Wanna Dance?

In his office, Ally warns John that Nelle could sue him for sexual harrassment. "Oh, let her try," rants John. "You know what she is, Ally? And I've never used this word to describe any other woman..." Hmm. Let me guess. Is she... a poopface? No, wait, I know! A stinky butt? No, for real, it must be witch. What? What's that you say? You think it's "bitch?" Dude! No way! Yes, it's true that we've heard that word on the show before, but that was only for women who deserved it from men who were lovably wacky or suffering from brain tumors. There's no way John, the sensitive one who's learned so much wisdom from all the difficulties in his life, would use such a word to describe a woman! There's no way UNLESS the woman in question was so vile - so heinous... it'd have to be a really horrible, evil person. Is Nelle that bad? Well, consider her actions this season. She's criticized John, broken up with him, and objected to his use of prostitutes. AND she bears a vague resemblance to Michelle Pfeiffer. BURN THAT BITCH AT THE STAKE! Ally reiterates that John's behavior is against the law. "Balls the law!" yells John. Yeah! PENIS the law, darn it! Penis that icy bitch!

In court, Ally flirts with the lawyer for the defense. She stares at him, sucking her thick pen and running it over her lower lip. He's some guy we haven't seen before. He warrants a Vonda song and a record-scratching sound. He appears to enjoy Ally's disgusting attentions. Oh, and meanwhile, Mark's working the case.

Ally McBeal

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