Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | 404 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Do You Wanna Dance?

Ally, Renee, and Georgia have cappuccinos. Check this out: Ally thinks the defense lawyer is her cyber-lover. How does she know? Well, it's the way he looked at her. Oh, and he used her "e-mail name" in his questioning. Whatever. Renee keeps trying to blurt out the racier parts of the story to Georgia. Ally keeps pinching her, causing her to moan "Ow!" Georgia's only part is to smile and ask some lame question while sitting under the yellow helmet that is her hair this episode. Ally protests against the idea of telling this lawyer, "I beg your pardon, but did you touch yourself last night with me in mind while reading my e-mails?" Good point, Ally. You should just do him in the car wash instead. Ally says she'll email him again and "demand him to meet me [sic]."

Nelle asks Richard why he hasn't made her a partner. He says he crunched the numbers and discovered that it wasn't feasible. "Splitting the pie in half" leaves him with more money than he'd get if they split it in thirds. He busts out actual pie charts and a pointer. "See? MORE... LESS..." he points and instructs. This kind of cracks me up. Richard gives a speech about how giving away money makes leaders look like fools. "There will be consequences for this, Richard," promises Nelle.

Mark approaches John and makes small talk, obviously because he wants to discuss something. John turns it into an opportunity to slag Nelle. He's doing well despite the fact that he's forced to work with "revolting people," he says. Nelle overhears this. Mark blows it off and asks if John thinks Ally would want to date him. John answers negatively, saying that Mark has the "depth of a bottle cap" and so wouldn't be a good match for Precious McBeal. Then he calls Nelle a Popsicle. She overhears that, too. John suggests that Mark just ask Ally out. I can't believe that Mark is interested in her. I don't know why he doesn't go for Elaine, or ANYONE, instead.

Ally writes to her cyber-lover while Renee supervises and Georgia looks on. They're using one of those programs you've never seen before, specially designed to show up on your television screen at home. Either that or it's ICQ. Ally's screen name is "Lover Lips" and her beau's is "Thunder Thighs." She explains that you're supposed to use something "exotic." Hey, I can think up some exotic user names! How about "selfSINturd" for Ally and "DesPurr8" for her friend? Okay, so Ally asks if he wants to hook up, and Thunder Thighs replies, "Sure. How about 2 nite?" I swear that's what it said on her screen. She's sure it's the lawyer and that he knows who she is.

Ally McBeal

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