Mark asks Ling where Ally is as they emerge from a courthouse elevator. Ling matter-of-factly explains that out anti-heroine was arrested for statutory rape. Mark is aghast.
John and Richard question Ally, who's in her cell looking slightly more disheveled than usual. She recaps the situation and Richard asks a bunch of silly questions. They go into court. John, Richard, and Renee are representing Ally. "Only three lawyers," Judge Roberta Kittleson says sarcastically. John says the case has so little merit, they need three lawyers to properly express the outrage. Or something. Judge K is played by Holland Taylor, a regular on The Practice. You may also remember her from five zillion other stints, including those on Bosom Buddies and Romancing the Stone. She asks Chris to stand. He does so, giving her a teenie-bopper smouldering look. She seems to enjoy that. John moves for a probable-cause hearing and Judge Kittleson grants it.
Ally runs into the other courtroom, where Mark is questioning Mrs. Hanks, Adulteress. He starts freaking out and yelling at her about the "death do you part" and all that, and Judge Seymour has to hush him up. Out in the hall, Ally asks what his trauma is. She's wearing the same funky jacket from the day before, of course, because she slept in it in her cell. Mark says he's trying to illicit some anger from the jury. Ally cuts him off and asks what his personal problem is. Ling interrupts to tell them she's bored. "Then go, then, Ling. Ally's back," grates Mark. "That hurt my feelings," monotones Ling, who then leaves, leaving me to wonder if that was supposed to be funny. Mark stalks off as Selig strolls up and asks Ally to take him up on the coffee. Ally says she has a probable-cause hearing. "Not your own, I hope," says Selig all witty-like. "Oh, who told you?" fumes Ally McDumbAss. She tries to play it off at first, saying it's "like a parking ticket." She eventually stammers out the humiliating truth. "I really am innocent," she finishes. Selig just nods.
At Ally's hearing, John asks her how old Chris claimed to be in his e-mails. Ally answers "thirty-three" and then John asks how old she claimed to be. She doesn't want to answer but Judge K makes her. When Ally says twenty-five, Her Honor snorts, "Please!" Ally glares at her from the stand. Then we get thirty-seven thousand hours of testimony during which the mike gives feedback every time Ally says the word sex. In a shout-out to Wing Chun and Sars, it's revealed that Thunder Thighs told Lover Lips his fave show was Dawson's Creek.