Mark approaches John and makes small talk, obviously because he wants to discuss something. John turns it into an opportunity to slag Nelle. He's doing well despite the fact that he's forced to work with "revolting people," he says. Nelle overhears this. Mark blows it off and asks if John thinks Ally would want to date him. John answers negatively, saying that Mark has the "depth of a bottle cap" and so wouldn't be a good match for Precious McBeal. Then he calls Nelle a Popsicle. She overhears that, too. John suggests that Mark just ask Ally out. I can't believe that Mark is interested in her. I don't know why he doesn't go for Elaine, or ANYONE, instead.
Ally writes to her cyber-lover while Renee supervises and Georgia looks on. They're using one of those programs you've never seen before, specially designed to show up on your television screen at home. Either that or it's ICQ. Ally's screen name is "Lover Lips" and her beau's is "Thunder Thighs." She explains that you're supposed to use something "exotic." Hey, I can think up some exotic user names! How about "selfSINturd" for Ally and "DesPurr8" for her friend? Okay, so Ally asks if he wants to hook up, and Thunder Thighs replies, "Sure. How about 2 nite?" I swear that's what it said on her screen. She's sure it's the lawyer and that he knows who she is.
Back in court, the man in question questions the defendant. Ally hears Vonda sing and imagines herself at the bar with the other lawyer. I finally had to look on the Fox site to get this guy's name. It's Selig. The defendant describes how he kissed his friend's wife on the dance floor. Ally fantasizes accordingly and moans aloud. We hear the record slow-down sound as everyone turns to stare at her. "Sorry!" she not-at-all-sorrily says, touching her mouth. Vomitrocious!
Nelle's asking Ling to leave Fish & Cage and help her start a new firm. Ling refuses because she only goes to work to show off her outfits. She doesn't want to see clients or do anything. Nelle confides that she's leaving, maybe to join "one of the big firms." Ling remarks that it'll take a long time to make partner at a big firm. Nelle says, "Please. Between my portables, my hair, the sexual harassment laws... I'll be partner in a month!" I don't understand. I guess she means, "I am a bitch and you should hate me."
Ally's drinking water from a fountain when Selig walks up and speaks. She bangs her mouth on the spigot in an attempt at physical comedy. "It's okay, I always forget to pull up when I'm finished," says Ally. That's probably one of the trademarked nonsensical sexual innuendos they like to make on this show. Selig wipes Ally's mouth with a napkin or handkerchief he just happened to have. She points out a spot he missed and rubs against his hand like a mangy cat in heat while Vonda sings her siren song again. (It's about as mellifluous as an actual police siren, I mean.) Selig asks if they've met before, because Ally was looking at him so knowingly. Ally says that she likes to distract opposing counsel by looking at them "like I just wanna tear off their clothes and lick them from head to toe." Her prey gets some wood from this, but it quickly turns back into pulp as he says, "And here I was hoping you were genuine." "Well, my tongue is free later," kids Ally. You go, whore! Coming from anyone else, these would have been some good lines. Ally's scary bangs ruin the effect, though. Selig suggests they get coffee the next day because he has an appointment this afternoon. Ally picks up on this, presumably presuming that his "appointment" is with Lover Lips. The would-be Thunder Thighs asks Ally to go easy on his client. She makes some playful remark in reply which I couldn't hear over the sound of my own gagging.