Ally McBeal
Do You Wanna Dance?

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Do You Wanna Dance?

Back in the courtroom, Ally questions the defendant. Selig gets up and yells "Objection! Gophering!" He explains that in England, his nation of origin, the lawyers say "gophering" instead of "badgering." Then later he yells out "Pope Paul!" (I think that's what he said.) He claims they used to say that a sarcastic lawyer was "Winston-Churchilling the witness" and that it was later shortened to "Church!" and then "Pope Paul!" He manages to distract everyone with this blather. Ally twirls her hair.

At some restaurant or bar, Renee questions Ally's certainty that the nameless litigator and Thunder Thighs are the same person. Ally's still sure. She asks Renee to wait at the café across the street. If Ally puts her purse on the table, that'll be the signal that Thunder Thighs is a "big weirdo" and Renee's to come to the rescue. Renee goes and Ally chokes on her wine.

John rudely bursts into Nelle's office to ask her for a file with a name that sounds like "Peeniless Skeevits". I guess it's supposed to make you think "penis-less skeevy-ness." They argue and John takes his file.

Ally goes through all the motions of being stood up while Renee watches from afar. Thunder Thighs finally does show up, but it's not Selig. He's played by Jonathan "Simba" Taylor "Home Improvement" Thomas and claims to be nineteen. "You said you were thirty-three," says Ally. "You said you were twenty-five," TT counters. He asks for her real name. "Pam," she says, in a shout-out to our Pamie. His name is Chris. He convinces her to overlook his deception. She briefly imagines herself tearing off his shirt. He asks if she wants to go to dinner. She says okay and they get up to go to McDonald's or somewhere when suddenly a cop shows up and places Ally under arrest. Chris's mom is there. "Mom!" he gasps. The mom is played by Joe's mom on Wishbone. Wishbone would have made a good love interest for Ally, I think. Ally asks what's going on and the officer states that Chris is sixteen years old. I don't get it. It's illegal to take a sixteen-year-old to dinner?

Mark asks Ling where Ally is as they emerge from a courthouse elevator. Ling matter-of-factly explains that out anti-heroine was arrested for statutory rape. Mark is aghast.

John and Richard question Ally, who's in her cell looking slightly more disheveled than usual. She recaps the situation and Richard asks a bunch of silly questions. They go into court. John, Richard, and Renee are representing Ally. "Only three lawyers," Judge Roberta Kittleson says sarcastically. John says the case has so little merit, they need three lawyers to properly express the outrage. Or something. Judge K is played by Holland Taylor, a regular on The Practice. You may also remember her from five zillion other stints, including those on Bosom Buddies and Romancing the Stone. She asks Chris to stand. He does so, giving her a teenie-bopper smouldering look. She seems to enjoy that. John moves for a probable-cause hearing and Judge Kittleson grants it.

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Ally McBeal




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