Ally McBeal
Do You Wanna Dance?

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Do You Wanna Dance?

John questions Chris. We get to hear all about Chris's older-woman fantasies and Ally's awesome cyber-sex. He also manages to rank on Ally's age several times. He turns to the judge and talks about fantasies they borrowed from The Graduate. Chris thought it was awesome that Ally turned out to be "even older than Anne Bancroft." D'oh!

In the hall, Ally bitches out John for his embarrassing line of questioning. "Three lawyers, he called me thirty-five, not one of you objects!" She pouts. They go on this way for a while, in and out of elevators. I hope Ally falls through one of the shafts.

Mark does a touching closing about friendship, loyalty and blah blah blah. Selig coughs up the old "the courts have no business in a personal relationship" chestnut. His closing isn't very persuasive. I think Kisle felt the same way because he flipped over to Roswell for a while.

Meanwhile, back in the OTHER courtroom, Ally rushes in to hear Judge Kittleson dismiss the case. She can't let it go without giving some advice, though. She says, "Meeting up in person with someone you only know through e-mail -- THAT'S inSANE." She's right, it is -- it's insanely good fun, dang it! Chris walks up to apologize and inform Ally that he'll be seventeen in a week. She tells him to find a nice seventeen-year-old girl. "And if she has a friend," horn-dogs Richard, who gets elbowed by Ally for that. Chris asks for a kiss. "On the cheek!" scold John and Renee. Ally kisses his cheek all supposed-to-be-sensually, I barf, and they high-five each other. John and Renee glare. "What?" asks Ally coyly. She is so not-sexy. It really is sad.

Back at Fish & Cage, John bitches at Nelle some more. I sigh, then perk up as naked flesh and guns appear on the screen. Go little Roswell boy, go!

Mark and Ally win their case. Their client is awarded ten thousand dollars. Mark is all tripping out, saying that's the price they put on friendship. I'm confused because the synopsis on the FOX website says that Mark reveals that his ex-wife cheated on him. I guess that scene fell on the cutting-room floor after the synopsis was posted. Either that or I slept through it. Selig runs up, happy to see Ally "at large" and again tries to hook up for coffee. Selig, you can do better! They take off and Mark looks absolutely sick with envy. Mark, get your Queen CD and come to my house. I'll make you some enchiladas, you poor thing.

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Ally McBeal




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