Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Gwen: C | 362 USERS: C+
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A door's shut, a window's open; the house still stinks.

Wallace Shawn makes Mr. Bennett look like the idiot he is, and John objects. Judge Walsh has to force John to shut up, but I'm sad because I know it won't last for long.

Melanie wears a really ugly fur scarf and suit as John complains that his opposition is "an objectionable little man who makes good points, dammit." Melanie starts getting all frisky, kissing John's neck. John ignores this and remarks on the incomprehensibility of a woman who doesn't want to have children. Melanie informs him that she doesn't want children. He is flustered, but doesn't have time to discuss it because he's due back in court.

Ally pouts down the sidewalk and then crashes into Richard because she's so busy sucking on her fingers. Richard notes her unhappiness and offers to let her confide in him. Ally babbles about missing Larry. Richard suggests his therapist, Fred Willard. He says he'll find a way to pass the cost onto a client. As always, Greg Germann is funny and deserves to be on a better show. That is why I've stopped mentioning my love for him. I still care about him, but he is in a dysfunctional environment by choice and I can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself.

In the Unisex, Jackson asks Ling how well she knows Renee. Ling surprises me by not taking the opportunity to say something bitchy. Jackson informs her that they'll be at The Bar that night, and that Renee will sing. Ling and the oboe are sad as he leaves. Poor Ling. It must be hard to suffer through something like that with a guy you had sex with once, several years ago, and whose real name you didn't even know.

Ms. Clapp testifies that the world is overpopulated. Wallace Shawn asks why she, specifically, didn't want to have children. Ms. Clapp says that she didn't feel equipped to have them because she was so involved with her own life and her career. I look at her triple-strand necklace of huge silver beads and realize that it's true -- she really doesn't need to be breeding. Just kidding. John rudely questions Ms. Clapp and shakes his fist at her. "What kind of person doesn't want to have children?" he asks. He accuses her of waiting to announce her decision until she "qualified for alimony." Melanie, who has quietly entered the courtroom, tics "Pipsqueak!" John says, "Repugnant," looking in Melanie's direction. Then they both scream. Shut up, John. You're such a dork.

Ally McBeal

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