Ally McBeal
Falling Up

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A door's shut, a window's open; the house still stinks.

Vonda sings about pillows and embers about to billow while Ally lies awake, looking like an anemic zombie in the blue light. She gets up and goes to the freezer, which is IN HER BEDROOM, and peeks in on the same stupid damned snowman that represents Larry to her. Then she creeps over to Renee's bedroom. The television is on there. Ally sees Renee, with her red, red lips, spooning with nude Jackson. She smiles down on them, then reaches for a remote control which just happens to be right next to Jackson's genitals. He of course rolls over so that her hand is caught under them. He and Renee wake up and wonder what the hell Ally's doing there. She explains that she felt less lonely watching them. They look less annoyed than they should as she scampers away.

The jury, which is full of non-white people, unlike the rest of the show, finds in favor of Ms. Clapp. John bids his client goodbye. Melanie walks up and tells him she couldn't sleep at all the night before. She says, "I couldn't sleep at all last night. My mattress wouldn't treat me right! Then a friend of mine said, 'Try a Superior waterbed!' Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo..." Just kidding. I just thought of that jingle all of a sudden and had to type it. So back at John's office, he and Melanie argue some more. John doesn't understand why a woman who teaches children and writes children's books doesn't want to have children. He tells her what Ally said about celebrating a union through the pain of childbirth. "I think at some point, you're gonna meet the man who you want to have children with," John says. "I just don't think you've met him yet." He says he's not "the one." Then Melanie says something really dumb. "You could be the love of my life, and I'd still walk away from you…Because that's what I do!" She says you have to believe in forever before you can have kids. She loves John and doesn't want to go today or tomorrow, but she's going to go someday. Is it because that's what you do, Melanie? "It's just...what...I...do," she answers. John says that maybe it should be today, before either of them gets hurt. Melanie makes a face like she's hurting right about now. Don't be sad, Melanie. You really are better off.

Elaine sings "What I Did for Love" while Mark stands behind her and whispers, "When do I sing?" She shushes him. He emotes and then does an artistic arm movement. Elaine motions for him to stop. Then Vonda takes over the song, unfortunately, and we see Ally walk down the sidewalk. More Elaine and Mark! Less Vonda and Ally! The TV doesn't hear me yelling at it, and Vonda continues to sing as Ally enters her apartment and finds the snowman in the living room. "You stuck me in a freezer?" Larry asks. Ally wheels around and sees him standing there, for real. Robert Downey, Jr., looks good in black. Larry says that he's back "forever." He's only at the beginning of loving Ally and he doesn't plan on leaving. Where's his kid, though? Oh, well. Who cares? Not Ally and Larry. They start making out like teenagers in the back of a mini pick-up full of wine coolers in the parking lot of the church after the fund-raising dance.

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Ally McBeal

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