Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
764 USERS: C+
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Nothing Was Fast as Lightning

Jenny is beating herself up for asking a question she didn't know the answer to, or something. And could Ray explain how he came to kiss the plaintiff? Sure he can. He's a pig, see, and...oh, we need more than that. He gently takes Jenny by the shoulders, like people do when they're trying to "make a point, you know, to connect." Jenny says that she doesn't usually grab people. Anyway. Their faces were close, and Ray says he can read that look that women get when they want something, like to be kissed. All men can read it. And all men are potential rapists too, by that logic, and all women potential prostitutes. And hey, when are we women all going to start wearing veils, because then men wouldn't want to assault us anymore, right? Just a glimps of ankle is enough to drive men wild. And we stick it right in their faces, too! Anyway, Ray has Jenny by the shoulders, and his face right up in hers, and the music is gentle and soft, and Jenny, disgustingly enough, is setting the women's movement back faster than a grayhound on uppers by looking soft, open to Ray, and TEMPTED. But, because this show is an evil, evil mindfuck, Ray does not kiss her, even though it's what Jenny may want. He breaks her out of her reverie to see if she got him. Yeah, she did.

Vonda's singing faux-Motown at the bar. Drink! Ray asks Glenn if "they let anyone sing up there." Hee! Ray tells Glenn that he almost kissed Jenny, and maybe wants to date her, a little. Does Ray think Glenn would let him do one of his hit-and-run numbers on Jenny?! Well, maybe, if that means he could fuck Ally. And is she too old for him? Well, yes and no. She's a "real woman," while they are not "real men." Guys like Glenn and Ray are "for fooling around with until [women] grow up and meet the men they're going to marry. Ally is already grown up." BA HA HA!! No, he really said that. Wow, these characters are new. The two dorks suck on their beers like babies on bottles and we're out.

Ally McBeal

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