This new season starts out with the whump of the couch cushions: Ally's unburdening herself (now that's a Herculean task -- Sisyphian, even) to her shrink. This time, she's telling a stupid little story about being scooter-borne and bumping into a sweet young (younger than geezerish Ally, anyway) thing who, amazingly, is not hurt by being bumped by Ally's string-beanish frame, but is somehow cathartically changed. "I feel fine," chirps the new girl. "In fact, I don't even love him anymore!" This new lass is a lawyer who worked with her boyfriend until they broke up and she got canned and she's all "broken-hearted" and is any of this sounding familiar to El Shrinakdor? Sounding familiar? Familiar? Jesus, it's a DO-OVER. Can I just cut and paste from Pamie and Gwen's recaps? Please say yes. Oh, anyway, El Shrinkador is (head tilt) "confused." Cut to street scene, where Ally walks and clutches her scooter and listens to Sweet Young Thing nattering on that her ex-boyfriend "took his finger and tickled [her] uterus," before almost getting hit by a car. Ally is reminded of herself, and hires Sweet Young Thing. Because Ally wants to be her mentor. Oh, sweet lord.
Hey, the credits are new! If I weren't having a seizure, I'd be able to tell you about them. Look, Ally's on a scooter. Maybe she'll get away this time. And there's Vonda. As if she's a character. And, oh, new people. Fresh meat. Young blood. Good for you for getting on a TV show and all, but really, the money you're making is just going to go toward therapy later. Trust me.
Vonda is bleating "Everyday People," by Sly and the Family Stone, as we get a b-roll of Boston by air. Boston is very pretty, even though the weather conditions there make it impossible for everyone other than Portia de Rossi to have decent hair. Like, Ally and her doppelganger both have these really horrible choppy bobs with curly bits and straight bits. Did they stick their heads in blenders before leaving the house? Ally and New Girl get off the elevator, dump their stuff with Elaine, then enter the staff meeting, both late. Ally announces that she has hired Jenny. Fish is all, you did what now? They have already hired Coretta, who bobs her head in a "this is me!" gesture. Ling, in a bright asymmetrical top (Mossimo?), snarls that she doesn't like the new girl. Cage is eating what looks like cake. Portia is all backlit, hair glowing, looking perturbed. Ally just bounces into her chair, saying she thought they had to hire someone else, and oh, she has a case! Jenny goes into it -- she sued the phone company for getting too many marketing calls. It's a class action suit with 72,000 plaintiffs. And since she just got fired, she comes to Cage & Fish with 72,000 of her own clients. Everyone, even the new non-Ally-clone girl, looks impressed. Fish welcomes her to the firm. Elaine prances in with Glenn, who of course, is Jenny's ex-boyfriend There's a round of "what are you doing here?" "what are you doing here?" They both work there, that's what they're doing here. Ha ha! Isn't this a dilly of a pickle! Ally is all like, wha? Who he? Oh, it's HIM! A quadruple-take follows. Everyone gets a reaction shot as it sinks in that exes will be working in the same law firm together. Again. Some more.