Back to the couch of El Shrinkador, where Ally reveals that she is hot for her new mentoree's ex. Of course she is. "He's a boy! A young boy! And pretty! I never go for young, pretty boys!" Could that be her problem? Not the only one. The doc isn't "clear [head tilt]" as to why this is a problem. Ally gets bitchy and is all, why do you tilt your head when you talk? And why on "c" words? The doc has a [head tilt] chronic tic disorder. Of course he does. And thanks for making fun of him. Ally quickly moves into a shame spiral. She doesn't trust this guy yet, because she has issues with lawyers that are also therapists, and did she ever mention that year she spent with the lawyer she thought was a therapist? Oh, boy. The doc is all, back to the young boy, please. Seriously. He's wrong for Ally, says she, because -- as a series of glamour shots flash by -- he's "so GQ." Really? I'd say, judging by the glamor shots, that he's not. Rather, too "International Male catalogue" -- or perhaps even a little too "Supercuts head shot." Besides, Ally has "done the whole love-triangle thing. And what's the word for people who live the same scenario over and over again?" The doc and I say the same thing at the same time: "pathetic." DEK just slapped all of you. Why can't he be the one to get arressted for possesion? I mean, couldn't have Aaron Sorkin said he was holding the crack for DEK? EVERYONE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT. Anyway, Ally says she she won't relive her past problems (why should she, when there are new characters to do it for her?), and is committed to "a new year with new issues." El Shrinakdor asks for Ally's hand, and points out that while she says she wants to talk about the new girl, she only talks about the boy. Dude, it's only an hour, three times a week. The new girl will be lucky if you learn her name by the end of the season. With Ally, it's always all about the boys. Do I even need to say it?
Ally enters her office, and sees her clone sitting there, sad-faced. My god, their hairdos had to have been done at the same food processor. They even have the part on the same side. This show is so not subtle. Still, I want to see them in matching outfits. JennyAlly has an issue: her old firm won't release the files on her class-action suit, and she needs them for court tomorrow. She calls her old bosses "pricks." And what does Ally think of Glenn? After many stammers, he rates as "nice." And will Ally be JennyAlly's new best friend? Will she? Will she will she will she? And has Ally ever had a close male friend -- you know, a non-naked male friend in a non-sexual relationship who was friendly, and without sex or doing it? Ally stammers some more, and says yeah, one of her best friends is a man she doesn't have sex with: John. The little guy, the Biscuit. Oh, yeah, him. John Cage. Ally loves him. Not loves him loves him, of course, but as she insists that she platonically loves him, he comes around the corner, overhears her, and misunderstands. Try as he might, for all his mugging, it is not a hilarious misunderstanding. There's no heat, Ally says, after John has slunk away, flabbergasted and flummoxed and with his jaw all dropped and shit.