Ally McBeal
Friends And Lovers

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Here We Go Again (And Again)

Vonda-and-aerial-shot, sitting in a tree. At the Bar, the Cage and Fish are talking about Coretta's expereince. Cage is all, Ally is MAGIC. Hee. Is she "wizard" too? Ally comes up behind them, and Cage screams and falls on the ground, just like in the promos. Fish asks Ally to convince Glenn to stay at the firm, and uses Cage's speech ("Glenn is MAGIC, Ally!") to do it. Cage shoots the dirtiest of looks. It still isn't hilarious.

Oh great, some nighttime pajama wandering, Ally-style. The woman's pajamas are so elaborate, Victorians wouldn't even wear them. She's wearing the pajama equavalent of a three-piece suit. There are so many bows and fasteners, I've lost count. Wardobe people? My heart goes out to you. With her shrink's words echoing in her mind, Ally lies down on the bed. "Go to yourself....extinguish the urge...". Wow, if Ally busts out a selection of vibrators right now, she might win my respect. She lies on her back, hands clamped by her side. Then she uses the remote to turn on the stereo. Barry White booms, "I don't wanna see no clothes....I don't wanna see no panties." Barry White doesn't wanna go shopping with Alex Richmond, then. Well, maybe for shoes. He didn't say he didn't wanna see no shoes. Ally flicks off...the radio, you perverts. She looks at her male dummy thing and asks what he's looking at. A frustrated woman, duh. She flicks...the radio on again, and it's the theme to The Partridge Family. Hello world, hear the song that we're singin'! C'mon, get to masturbatiiiing! But of course, she can't. Wuss.

Office time, again. Cage and Fish are arguing about what to do about the John/Ally love thing. Cage finally says he loves her. He loves her! Fish sits down with a plop and tells Cage to be direct with her, then. See, you think he's being supportive, but his secret code isn't fooling me. What he really means is, tell HER about it, just like the Billy freaking Joel song, and GET. OUT. Cage runs out. Good work, Fish.

Ally and JennyAlly are heading to court. Glenn pops up; Ally checks her outfit, and is busted by JennyAlly. JennyAlly excuses herself, leaving Glenn and Ally alone. Neither of them asks the other out. God, these people are useless! Glenn says he was thinking of leaving the firm. Ally is all, oh! Then, Cage pops up, suggests that he and Ally "get down to business," and gets rejected. That went well. Cage's nose begins playing like a slide whistle. The women prance off to court, and Glenn cocks his head like a dog at Cage's nose-whistling. Still. Not. Hilarious.

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Ally McBeal

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