Ally McBeal
Heart And Soul

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Heart of an Artichoke

JBJ drops his "final bill" onto Ally's desk and says he's "moving on. What, like [he's] not allowed to do that? [He] got another plumbing job." Ally stammers up a storm. What-what-what is he talking about? JBJ tightly says that Ally can parent her brand-new-to-her child any way she wants to, but that he won't stand for her "passing on bigotry." He's talking about her comments to Maddie about them not making a good couple, and took those remarks to mean that Ally was pointing out the "class distinction" between JBJ and herself. Such a sensitive plumber/baby-sitter/aging rock star with a heart of gold! P.S.: JBJ has a mini-mullet. It's not a grown-out shag. It's a mini-mullet. He needs to cut the back of that hair, but fast. Ally stammer-asks if JBJ is interested in being part of a couple with her. JBJ says no, because Ally doesn't know about "his world," and they never "talk about [his] world," and she "makes assumptions based on what [he does], and [he] doesn't like it." He winds it up by telling her, "You're an elitist." Ally looks ashamed.

Killer is testifying that his daughter can make a contribution to society better than he can, but only if she lives. Please, let Killer save his daughter. He's so terse! He "killed her mother" and caused Serena "extreme pain." The opposing side asks if Killer is "in anguish" and if this decision is "fraught with emotion." Uh, doy. So, how can Killer make a sound decision considering his emotional state? Opposing side is all, "[Killer] killed [his] wife," and Ray screams, "OBJECTION!" Because that has nothing to do with this. Except for the fact that the man is serving a life sentence. I guess that doesn't really matter either -- it just makes the situation more poignant, for some people. Killer is all, "I owe [Serena]." Yeah, maybe you should have thought about that before you KILLED HER MOTHER.

In closed chambers, Serena the Very Very Mature sixteen-year-old asks if her Killer Dad is "doing this out of guilt." Killer says the reason he "doesn't want to live is guilt." What a pussy! Serena says she is "not going to have [Killer] kill [himself]" for her. Wow, how noble. She's a Super Martyr. Her mom got killed, and she seems completely unruffled about that, and she's dying of heart disease, and now her Killer Dad is ready to make a state-assisted sacrifice, and she's all, no! She'd rather have him live behind bars for the rest of her short life than die! Or something! Killer says that being a parent means wanting to protect one's child, and he's done "a terrible job of that." YES. YES, YOU HAVE. God, where is this kid's legal guardian? Who is paying for the lawyers? WTF? infinity! Killer says the only meaning in his whole miserable life was Serena's birth, and that he's "trying to get a little continued meaning" by giving her his heart. He's "doing a very selfish thing here." No shit. Shouldn't there be a guard in the room? Richard comes in and says they're calling a witness: Serena's aunt. She's opposed to the heart transplant idea.

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Ally McBeal

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