Ally McBeal
Heat Wave

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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Heat Wave

I think the Dentyne Ice Car Wash commercial was so on purpose.

Oh, and that Sprint Wireless Internet guy was yelling outside my window for me to come out and play. I asked if I could get Mighty Big TV on my cell phone. He looked confused. I locked the front door. I'm not going anywhere.

Ally is still telling Whipper and Renee that she was doing the right thing by stopping the wedding. She doesn't want to give Reesa any money (they're talking seven figures) or settle out of court. Renee babies that maybe if they can show that the marriage wouldn't work, they could win the case. Oh, but Renee doesn't baby too hard because she's only around women, and Renee only plays that cute-little-girl routine when a man is in the room. Ally plays her mouth organ with her fingers as we go to Ling trying to talk to Richard. She tries several pet names before she trips him onto his face so we can see 3.5 seconds of Elaine before Richard bolts for a meeting. Meanwhile, Sally is getting Billy to initial some papers. Gosh, that sounds so high school. See Sally sit. Sit, Sally, sit. See Billy stare at Sally's boobies. Stare, Billy, stare. Georgia does her contracted walk-in-on-a-compromising-position-and-act-all-huffy-and-arm-foldy thing. She asks for a minute alone with Billy. Sally leaves, oblivious to the fact that her breasts are all sweaty from Billy's breathing down them for the past ten minutes. As Sally leaves, Georgia pastes on her best Stepford Wife smile to ask if he had a good meeting with the men this morning. Don't these two ever talk at home? Georgia sits down to say that she can see he's going through some things and that they should work on whatever they are. "What's going on, Georgia," Billy says with his pouty-face, "...I'm really angry at myself." Georgia thinks this is promising. Billy thinks that he's let himself become the modern idea of a sophisticated man. He's been denying that he is old-fashioned. "I want children. I don't believe in nannies raising kids. I think the mother should be at home. And, uh, I know this sounds terrible, but I want my needs to come first." He says he wants his home to be his castle and he's sick of denying it and sick of playing the sensitive male. He's just sick. Georgia remains stone-faced throughout, instead of flipping over the desk like I wish she would. Another male fantasy is perfectly executed on Ally McBeal.

Ally walks up to Car Wash Guy, who will forever be to me Iron Eagle since I haven't seen Jason Gedrick since. Ally wears another outfit from Vera Wang's Creamsicle collection. Joel stops cleaning a car's tires with a rag and stands up to hear what Ally has to say. She actually says, "I was in the neighborhood, so how's it going?" Joel starts laying into her about how she ruined his life and his true love is gone, blah, blah, you didn't scar from the hot wax cycle did you? fishcakes. Ally starts trying to pull out that "I was her bridesmaid and her lawyer" garbage but Iron Eagle is putting the smack down, yo. He tells her that even if she felt she had a duty she didn't have to speak in front of everyone. I start rolling my eyes as Ally goes on about the friggin' minister again and I start thinking about how if I ever have a wedding I'm going to make sure the minister never asks that "speak now" question so that no one can say they were just doing what they were told. Not that anyone outside of this DEK world would ever believe this as an excuse anyway. Well, to be honest, the only reason that Ally brought the "speak now" part up again was that so she could accidentally say "penis" instead of "peace."

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Ally McBeal

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