Ally McBeal
Home Again

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Horndoggedness Failing Us All

An Al Green song plays as Ally sits on her bedroom floor and broods. She remembers Larry telling her that he can't handle goodbyes and that he leaves notes in lieu of bidding farewell aloud. What the hell does this tacked-on flashback scene have to do with anything? I guess it has everything to do with the fact that Robert Downey Jr. has suddenly left the show.

We see a shocking profile shot of Renee's tight red sweater as she and her huge, huge breasts follow John to Ally's bedroom door. Ally won't let them in. With those haunting mammary glands gliding around, who could blame her? Renee takes off for work, leaving John to bang on Ally's door alone.

At Larry's firm, the man himself sits there in his undershirt while Corretta towels his head vigorously. What is she -- his valet? Larry says that Ally's dumping ice cream on his head is another omen. Hmm. I guess there's a fine line between an omen and a vulgar display of psychotic behavior. Corretta dishes up a bunch of sassy, common-sense advice. She's a valiant player, but her mildly humorous antics won't save the Titanic that is this show.

Richard, Jane, and Nicole confer with Maximum's lawyer, a stereotypical older white man with an expensive suit and plastered-down hair. "Can I call you Hank?" Richard asks him. "I suppose, but it isn't my name. It's Henson. That's my first name. Why don't you call me by my last name? It's Lyne. One syllable, easy to pronounce, and about as easy to remember as the requirements for a valid contract." Even though Henson isn't really my type, I'm kind of in love with him now. Richard tells Henson to stop talking to him as though he never went to law school. "Did you?" Henson asks. Richard says, "On and off, many times. Take off your shirt, Nicole." Nicole shows off her red Wonder Bra. Richard makes some nonsensical argument about Nicole's pictures not being published in Maximum and Jane, therefore, having no right to expect that hers would be. Henson gives this the attention it deserves. Jane pleads with him, saying her father will disown her if the pictures are published. "Have a heart!" says Richard. "I have a conscience, Mr. Fish, and it will be tested when I try to bill my client for this ridiculous conference," says Henson. Damn, he had some good lines. Who wrote those?

John sits with Ally on her bedroom floor and listens to her whine about all of Larry's shortcomings. Long story short -- she broke up with Larry twenty minutes before because she can't trust him.

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Ally McBeal

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