Ally McBeal
I Want Love

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now!
I Need Drugs

Glenn strides down the corridor, only to be out-strode by the very beautiful and glamorous Jacqueline Bisset, who's wearing slim dark boots, a short skirt, and a beige trench coat. Glenn, she says. Frances, he says. What is she doing here? Looking for Jenny. She adds that Glenn looks fabulous. Frances, you look fabulous. And I loved you in Class! I wonder how many people tell her that. Anyway, Jenny is wearing the indie-rock fall uniform of 1999, which is an oxford shirt under a tight maroon sweater (navy is also acceptable), and seems less than thrilled to see her mom at the office. Yes, Jackie Bisset is supposed to be Jenny's mom. I know. If Jenny still harbors mom issues, one might be that her mom is ten times sexier and far more attractive than herself. But I guess the mom issues will eventually reveal themselves over the remaining seventeen episodes of this stupid season, so I don't need to figure them all out now. Jenny drags her mom into a private area, leaving Glenn, Ray, and Fish to drool over Jenny's hot mom. Fish is particularly intrigued. His boners have boners. Oh, boy.

Jenny's mom has been fired for having a relationship with a younger man; also, she's marrying him. Jenny isn't happy to hear all of this: "Is this what you came to tell me?" Could you show a little more respect for your mother, young lady? Jackie Bisset doesn't say that; that was me. Jackie says she's come to "hire this law firm," though the closed captioning says, "save this law firm," because she's heard Cage & Fish is great with sexual-harassment cases, and that there's a "fabulous little dwarf called 'the croissant.'" Hee! That would be The Biscuit, who Jenny says is "full-size." And "missing." "Missing"?

Then, we're in Ally's office, who says "missing" again, and stammers a bit. Will Ally represent Jackie? Oh, and the trial is tomorrow. Jackie fired her last lawyer and the judge won't accept a continuation again. Why is every fucking trial "tomorrow"? And wouldn't Jenny have a semblance of a clue as to what's going on in her mother's life? Ray knocks on the door to talk about the kiss he and Jenny shared. He wants to date her. Jenny wants to think about it. Ray says sure, adding, "If the answer is no, would you object to me dating your mother?" Jenny retorts that her mother is getting married. Ray shoots back, "Great! That's one obstacle removed." What?

Aerial shot of Boston. Day turns to night. The blues play heavily on a piano. Hey, it's Elton John playing "Wasted Days and Nights." Sort of like the time spent watching this show. Get it? "Wasted Days and Nights"? Ling complains that they've hired another singer, and how do they expect people to keep up? Nelle explains that that's Elton John, who's "trying out new material." "Oh," says Ling. "Could they get him to turn it down?" Hee! Elton continues at full volume, and hey, is Edgar Winter in his band? Or is that some other fair-haired old rocker guy? Anyway. Fish and Ray share a little horny-bastard talk at a table. Fish wants Jenny's mom. Her wattle? Extraordinary. Ray asks what Fish thinks about him and Jenny. Fish says it's hard to tell, because he doesn't care. Dude, me too! Then, that he wants to lure Jenny's mom into the hole. Ray blinks and nods, knowing he's upstaged and outclassed. But hotter.

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Ally McBeal




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