Ally McBeal
I Want Love

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I Need Drugs

Elton's song fades into the Boston night sky, and we land in Ally's office, where she expositionally says that she can't believe she's stuck preparing for trial tomorrow when Elton John is in the bar. Glenn says he heard Sting sang there last year. Yup, says Ally: "He sang with my boyfriend." Glenn asks, "Your boyfriend sang with Sting?" Yeah. And Ally sang with Barry Manilow. Glenn, honey, your day will come. Some lovable old dinosaur will have a record that needs promoting and you'll get to pretend to be thrilled to share the stage with him or her. Won't that be a cool rite-of-passage thing for your character? Except not? Yeah. Glenn asks, "What happened to him?" Ally says she thinks a VH1 special. No, Glenn means her boyfriend "him," not Barry Manilow "him." "We broke up. Next!" Glenn is all, "Is there a 'next'?" He shoots her a funny look. Ally doesn't get it. They are never, ever going to do it, are they? Glenn says he had a dream about Ally last night; she, rather rudely, says, "Duh! I was there!" Oh, boy. She stammers to cover, then listens as Glenn tells his dream: they were water-skiing, but Ally was too afraid to "grab the rope." Heh. What could that mean? Ally wonders. Jenny bursts in and says, "It means you want to go skiing, but are too afraid to grab the rope. You guys ready? Where's my mother?" Not here, and they are ready. Ally says the case is "straightforward." Whatever. The elevator dings, and Jenny cringes. Time to meet the new stepdad! They three lawyers march out, and see Jackie holding the arm of a much younger man: Tim. Tim is younger than Jenny. Ally is agog, Glenn gently stunned. Jenny? Manages a conflicted smile. The violins swell, and I guess we have yet another nutty situation. Yawn.

Another aerial shot of Boston. Yay, more beer! Jenny's in Ally's office, trying to convince her to lose her mom's case on purpose. Because this marriage to a younger guy thing! Is so icky! He's only twenty-two, for lord's sake! And it has to be only about sex! Ick ick ick! Oh my god, this is just like Class, except Rob Lowe is hot and has less issues! Jenny's mom comes in and asks if it isn't unethical to lose a case on purpose. That, and stupid, too. Jenny is all, why, mom, why? HOW could you date such a young, hot guy? I can't see why this is so shocking. My granddad dated a woman so young, his in-laws were even younger then he. ["Your granddad is Michael Douglas?" -- Wing Chun] Guess how much I loved pointing this out? And still do. Love you, Granddad! So I guess I live in the real (albeit dysfunctional) world, and Jenny lives in DEK-ville, where wattles fly and babies dance, and people take pleasure in misfortune and wallow in unhappiness rather then just accept scandal and try to deal. Jenny's mom says that she used to "look for everything in a man," but now she'll just "compartmentalize!" Heh.

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Ally McBeal

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