Ally McBeal
I Want Love

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now!
I Need Drugs

There's a new older man on the stand, who says he chose not to do $6 million worth of business with the investment firm that had employed Jenny's hot mom. One wants an investment banker "who projects conservatism, especially in today's volatile market." Isn't what one wants in an investment firm a matter of personal choice, up to the individual who's investing? Not a universal? Oh, whatever. Fuck you, David E. Kelley. The man on the stand says that he may have not been "fair," but "his gut" told him that a woman who "runs around" with a twenty-year-old is "fun-loving, maybe even radical, which are qualities [he] loves in a person -- [he'd] like to date her! -- but as far as entrusting [his] money, well...." Is this a new low? Is it? It's so dark down here in the new low. I can barely see. Ally and Glenn confer on whether to cross-examine, and end up staring into each other's eyes like puppies in a velvet painting.

This moment segues with double-hemmed seams into Ally's first visit this episode to El Shrinkador. She was lost. In Glenn's eyes. Duh. She needs "mental help," she says. Duh infinity, I say. Ally read an article, she says, that claimed that "since the world changed in September," everyone is having sex. Wow, nice transition, DEK. Maybe next week you can hang a few American flags around the "streets" of "Boston," you know, to contemporize things a bit? You know, to put things really in context! Maybe a lapel pin or two? And what the fuck magazines are Ally reading? Slut Lawyers Journal? In Vogue and Allure, they've been totally sensitive to the situation, not suggesting that everyone's having a fuckfest because of the tragedy. Ally says that, post 9/11, the thing to do is fuck on the first date. "Boom. Boom, boom! Why live for tomorrow? Why not now?" The shrink says, "You want some boom-boom?" Hee. This guy would be so fired, but hee. How can you have a shrink you don't pay attention to? Ally does. Ally says that her whole life is about living for tomorrow, an-an-and, now "with this whole new prospect that there might not be a tomorrow..." She wants boom-boom with Glenn, says the shrink. She asks that El Shrinkador take her seriously. He says he can't. Hey, maybe he isn't fired! "Your world hasn't changed a bit." Oh, so this is how DEK can rationalize making a footnote of 9/11. Because it didn't affect ALLY. Right. What Ally wants, says El Shrinkador, is the same thing she's always wanted: love. It's the title of this episode, in fact, and the title of Elton John's newest hit song, which, as you know, was lip-synched by none other than Robert Downey motherfucking Junior in the video. So, could Ally find love with the boy? The oboe plays sadly, and we're out.

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Ally McBeal




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