Ally McBeal
I Want Love

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now!
I Need Drugs

Vonda sings. Ally passes her fingers through a bowl full of M&Ms like sand through an hourglass. Then, screech, Glenn knocks and the music stops. Glenn says he thinks Jackie is speaking to them, sometimes, like when she says "the real fools are the ones too practical for their own happiness." Glenn then finally asks Ally out: "And if you say no, fine, but don't say no out of maturity." Oh, thank the lord, we almost got somewhere.

Ling's Court. The wedding band limps along painfully. They suck. Oh, they were just tuning up. Can there be more of this bit? And, is there any more whiskey?

The defendant's lawyer says that clients couldn't trust Jenny's hot mom with their money. So, she had to be fired. Ally begins her argument, saying that their witness said it probably wasn't fair. They fired her for making the wrong choice. And if you love someone, how can it be the wrong choice? The wedding band starts up again, in Ling's nearby courtroom, and Ally continues: "Love is the grandest of choices." The band doesn't sound too bad. Maybe a little grating and syrupy. Ally begins to cite the plot of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? as her closing argument. You know, when Sidney Poitier gets his white, future-father-in-law's blessing, even though he's black, because he's really in looove and everyone can see it? Jenny gets verklempt. Jackie beams as Ally argues, so what if Tim is younger? Then, Ally stops. Because it's about her! Love is fleeting, who knows what tomorrow will bring...she stops again. The judge asks if she's all right. Then, the wedding band starts up again. This time, they play the hoary old song, "Shout." Ling bobs her head, and lo and behold, as Ally's speech about love was just so gosh-danged powerful, the jury is moved to put their hands in the air. Ally gangles her bony limbs along with the "Hey-eeeey-eeey-eeey!" parts. Everyone is feeling it. Except some of us.

Standing in the hall, Jackie Bisset is all, "I think the jury was moved!" Dude? They were dancing. Jenny comes up, all teary. It was the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner reference that "always gets her." Then she says that if "this boy" makes her mom happy...well, she's okay with it. She'll even be her mom's Maid of Honor. Jackie says -- and it is a testament to her skills as an actress that she keeps a straight face -- "Whatever the jury decides, it appears I've already won." Yeah, except for the losing-your-job shit, everything's hunky-fucking-dory. Oh wait, the jury's back. They award Jenny's hot mom a blank check. That won't do, says the judge. So they award -- are you sitting down? -- $620,000. Damn!

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Ally McBeal




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