Ally McBeal
I Will Survive

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I Will Survive

The prosecutor asks Nora if her husband's infidelity was a big shock to her. Nora says that it was. He then reveals to the court that Nora's husband had cheated before, with another woman, and that Nora had known about it. Nora says, "I thought it was over..." and then Ally's disco starts up. She closes her eyes and winces. Ling stands up and says that Nora's state of mind isn't relevant. The judge questions this, and Ling says, "Oh, whatever!" and sits back down. Nora continues to excuse herself to the prosecutor. Then she's singing "Never Can Say Goodbye." Ally looks around and sees that no one's surprised by this. Then the courtroom spectators get up and dance. The jury sings background. Nurses and paramedics wheel in a stretcher and dance. Ally lies on their outstretched hands and they put her on the stretcher with a red flashing ambulance light on her crotch. She smiles and waves goodbye to everyone. Then we see that she's actually unconscious on a stretcher, being wheeled out of the courtroom for real. She's wearing an oxygen mask. "She just lost consciousness!" says Ling. Ling and Mark have serious looks on their faces as they watch her go. I can't believe that Ally's copying Billy's death like that.

A doctor's checking Ally's eyes with a flashlight. She didn't die. Oh, well. Ling, Mark, and Elaine are watching from the doorway. The doctor's leaving and he tells them they can see her now. He says she simply fainted and asks if she's been under stress lately. Ling says that her old boyfriend died right in front of her. Ally tells them to quit talking about her as if she's not in the room. Elaine's feeling Mark up throughout this exchange. Ling walks up to Ally, saying, "Are you okay, sweetie? You look so awful, and sound bitchy." Ally says she's fine, that she just needs more sleep. "Maybe you have a brain tumor," says Ling, who then turns and asks the doctor if they're contagious. He says they aren't. The doctor tells Ally she can leave after one more test. Ling says they'll get back to court, then. Nora's therapist, Dr. Lipps (I think that's what she said) is next on the stand. Ally prepared the testimony so she wants to question her. Mark offers to do it. "I don't want you doing it," Ally snarls. Mark smiles brightly and asks if he can have a sec alone with Ally. Elaine paws him some more, telling him she'll be waiting right outside. He thanks her. He sits on the edge of Ally's bed and starts: "Look, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete ass, but..." Ally says, "What?" Mark says that a person she loved has just died, but that he's detected some chemistry between himself and Ally. He asks if it's possible that she sees him as a person she could be interested in, and if she therefore loathes him. He follows this up with a gentle smile and an eyebrow raise. Ally waits a beat before replying that he was right -- he is unable to say that without sounding like a complete ass. Then she smiles, too. She asks if he really thinks that she could be interested in him. He says something about her protesting too much. The "touching" piano starts up as Ally tells Mark she does have a secret she'd like to share. She asks him to lean in so she can whisper. As he does, she tries to sock him in the face, but he catches her hand. It's a good thing physical assault is charming and not illegal or anything. He says he's glad to see her getting her strength back and excuses himself, kissing her hand. Ew. Then, as he's leaving, she throws a remote control unit at him. Without turning, he catches it, turns on her TV, and throws it back to her. Hardy, har. This is the kind of stuff that made the show funny in the olden days, but now it's just too late, I'm afraid. Nothing can redeem the trauma I've suffered at the hands of this season. Well, nothing but a brain tumor for Ally, I mean.

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Ally McBeal




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