Ally McBeal
In Search Of Barry White

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What a Clone. What a Maroon.

Okay, so I totally admit that I missed the very first segment of the show. See, I was still in a mind-blowing trance from the awesome hour of family-values-style entertainment that was 7th Heaven this week. So I missed the part about Ling seeing Jackson move in slow motion as everyone sped around him, and I missed the other chicks at the office telling her that she must be in love with Jackson. Luckily, though, they showed it all over the promos all last week, so I really didn't miss it at all. By the time I switched the tape in the VCR, the guest-star credits were rolling and Boston was day-lit and dirty. John was meeting a Mr. Stoller in his office.

Mr. Stoller's wife, Cindy, died the year before. He and Cindy never got to have the children they always wanted. Mr. Stoller regrets this so much that he wants to clone Cindy using the tissue, hair, and blood samples he saved from her corpse. John is visibly unnerved by this. Mr. Stoller says that Cindy's sister got wind of the scheme and cranked up an injunction against him for this very day. Mr. Stoller wants John to represent him during the injunction, seeing as how his sister-in-law's attorney is none other than Larry Paul. Mr. Stoller knows that Fish & Cage has battled against Larry before. I guess he reads the local law trades. John is uncomfortable, but intrigued by the thought of beating Larry in a case. You can tell this by the way he steeples his fingers under his chin.

Nelle's office. Nelle is tapping away at her laptop. We see the monitor, which displays some "Chat" software interface with which I'm not familiar. Sorry, but I'm not into the chatting and the instant messaging and all that. I prefer to conduct my cyber-relationships the old-fashioned way -- through plain email and alt.slashfic.gilligansisland. We see a tiny portion of Nelle's chat session. The frozen frame is grainy, but it seems to say:

Rapunzel: What if I told you I didn't really have long golden locks?
Lawdooser [or something]: You mean you're bald?:)
Nelle [in response window]: No. But what if I had just your [...]

That's all she types before Ling flounces in, wearing a black satin evening gown for no reason at all, along with another big fake flower choker neck decoration. Well, it's either a grayscale flower or a spider web on her neck. "Was that him?" she asks. Nelle affirms that it was. "Nelle, how can you really date a guy online?" Ling wants to know. Nelle, how can you really practice law while fucking off online? Nelle doesn't deny that what she's doing is dating. She points out that she and Lawdooser or whoever talk and laugh, and that he doesn't stink. I guess she means that she can't smell it if he does. Ling asks about the sexual component of the relationship. She doesn't think a woman can have control of a relationship without her "hand on the dumbstick." Nelle changes the subject to Jackson. Ling says that she's over that. Nelle asks whether Ling actually came into her office to hear about her "computer date." No, Ling came in to "borrow some products, but just forget it." She flounces out again and Nelle smiles as if their exchange was at all witty or pleasant.

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Ally McBeal

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