Ally McBeal
In Search Of Barry White

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What a Clone. What a Maroon.

Courtroom. Larry is dressed like a clown as he tries to address Judge Seymore Walsh. He's wearing a black pinstripe suit with a large-check red gingham shirt and a black and white polka-dotted tie. John interrupts Larry as much as possible, flustering him. Judge Walsh adjourns until the next day. "I'm not to be tampered with, Larry," John advises. John was sort of funny in this scene, for once. Maybe he hired an image consultant.

Ally's apartment at night. Renee wears her hair in ugly, raggedy ponytails and tries not to be bitter about Jackson's dumping her for Ling. Larry walks in and Ally stops caring about Renee's problems. Larry finds out that Ally gave John advice on how to beat him in court. "You're giving him tips on how to beat somebody you can't even beat yourself," says Larry. Dang! Ally got pimped! She has to get out the 'hood! Her mama works at McDonald's! Cutesy banter ensues, then Larry and Ally end up betting on who will win the case. The winner is once again entitled to a two-hour foot-rub. "As thou speaketh, my feet itcheth," Larry says. Heh. That scene was sort of funny, too. What's wrong with me? Who put this crack pipe in my hand?

Back at the office, John is "aghast" by the fact that Ally revealed his strategy to Larry. To play off her fuck-up, Ally bends the truth and claims that Larry said that John could never beat him in any case. The Bells of John's Vicious Determination toll as he pledges to win the case and thus help Ally win her bet.

Lobby. Nelle is sporting big retro pearls and this pseudo-Chanel black and white windowpane tweed coat with wide bias piping that would have looked nice if it were waist-length instead of down to her knees like a "duster," which is one of the ugliest words in the fashion lexicon, if you ask me. Meanwhile, Ling models another cocktail dress. She tells Nelle that online dating sounds kind of cool. Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and ask: Who the hell ever uses the term "online dating"? Ling is intrigued aloud by the thought of "online dating" a guy in Paris. Nelle suggests that Ling's just trying to run away from her feelings for Jackson, then hauls her spoiled-by-the-length coat out of there. Next comes the scene that would have been super-funny if I hadn't already seen it ninety times on the promos. Larry comes out of the elevator in slow motion as Ling watches in amazement. Then he turns to her and says, "How was I?" Ha! "Very funny," says Ling sourly. Yeah, I thought so, too. Too bad Robert Downey Jr. had to get fired, huh?

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Ally McBeal

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