Ally McBeal
In Search Of Barry White

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Gwen: C | Grade It Now!
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What a Clone. What a Maroon.

Ally and John walk up and wonder what Larry's doing there. Larry thought he'd walk John to court, since they're on the same case and all. John uptightly accuses Larry of one-upmanship and psyche-fiddling. Ally smirks, plays with her nose, and looks tired as John runs off in a huff.

Ling tries to be casual as she walks into Jackson's office and asks him to lunch. He would love to have lunch, but he's booked until the next week. "Great," Ling says faintly. He says he'll have his assistant set it up. His assistant? Who the hell is that? The Wicked Witch music plays Ling out the door.

Courtroom. Mr. Stoller testifies that his wife Cindy would have wanted him to clone her. John and Larry pick on each other as much as possible. Mr. Stoller's attitude is rather wooden, so I guess we're not supposed to care about his feelings. The actor playing him looks familiar, but I refrain from rewinding the tape, re-reading the credits, getting online, and searching for this guy's name. I had a long week at work and I was late starting on this recap. Then I danced at a Tejano gay bar until it closed, then laughed with my friends until 5 AM at House of Pies. Then I went to bed. Then I woke up and got a ride to my friend's house, where I'd left my car when it wouldn't start the night before. I still couldn't get the car to start. I got a ride back home. I'm hurrying to finish this recap for you, my loyal readers. I figure you care more about having the recap on your screens than you do about the name of the actor playing Mr. Stoller. Also, I figure you wouldn't want me to miss my ride to the karaoke bar tonight. So I know you'll understand why I'm not looking for actors' names on the IMDb this week. You do understand, don't you? ["I do! I rushed through posting another recap this afternoon so I could go see Memento with my husband and parents. Priorities, people." -- Wing Chun] Larry assesses that Cindy was against genetic manipulation of plants and chickens. John jumps up and objects, yelling that not everything is like chicken. No, it's true. Not everything is like chicken. Life is not like chicken, sometimes. Sometimes it's more like a margarita and a country breakfast at 5 AM.

Fish & Cage. Ally bitches at John for doing poorly on the case. John's excuse is that he can no longer summon his last-season hallucinations of Barry White. He says that "maybe Melanie scared [Barry White] off." Mark walks in and asks what's going on. Ally tells him, to John's chagrin. "John, I'm sorry, man," says Mark. It's obvious from his facial expression that he really is sorry -- sorry to be relegated to the tertiary role in such a lame, rehashed subplot. Ally does her unfunnily hysterical shtick, shrilly telling John to find Barry White so that she won't have to rub Larry's smelly feet again. Maybe the smell of the feet will be the means of writing Larry Paul off the show.

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Ally McBeal

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