Ally is reading lines from Ally McSqueal and asks Eyehair, "Is your neck sore?" He says he's fine. She asks what line of work he's in. He's giving her suspicious hair-eye. She says she hopes he's not going to miss work if he's a "provider" or a family man. "Are you married?" "You did hit me on purpose, didn't you?" he asks. Ally looks down as if this is absolutely irresistible and says, "Welllll..." He asks if she thought she could get a date out of it. "Wellllll..." He asks why he'd want to go out with a person who rams her car into him. "I'm beginning to wish you were a pedestrian," Ally says. Me too -- then Ally would be in jail and we wouldn't have to deal with her bizarre behavior anymore. She eyerolls and asks for his insurance claim so that she can pay the deductible. Oh, all of her great plans go awry, don't they? He says that maybe he should call the police, since she might just ram her car into somebody else. (Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please!) Ally storms up to him and gives him the "Hey! Buddy!" So we know she's about to spout some lovely feminist rant that would make the girls at Bust proud. "I thought you were cute, okay?" You. Go. Girl. "You look like a cute guy minus a criminal record." That's all we want, isn't it? "I'm almost thirty." Whatever. "I'm single." Surprise, surprise. "I don't meet many prospects and when I do I will damn well run them down. And I'll have you know that there are guys in this town who would give anything to have me drive over them and then have me back up and drive over them again. Because as rare as cute, eligible, decent guys are here in Boston? Good girls are almost extinct." At this point goodgirls-boston.com calls me and says that they think Ally is a ho. But she's not done. "One dinner and I'd have you wrapped around my little finger; that's what you're afraid of." Eyehair thinks this is too much. He scoffs that he'd be wrapped around her finger. "You're halfway there already," Ally moans. "You're crazy," he says. She says, "Here's a tip. The best women are." Then something happens to Ally's face, and her eye twitches and her lip curls like Billy Idol. It was like that scene in Election where they freeze on Reese Whiterspoon's face? But it wasn't a camera trick. I'm terrified. Ally walks off, and Eyehair watches after her. The oboe lulls him into thinking that fiery, flat-haired freak is just so darn lovable.
Episode Report Card738 USERS: C+
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