Ally McBeal
In Search Of Pygmies

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In Search Of Pygmies

Cut to Ling asking Lucy Taylor how she could evict someone from a nursing home. Lucy says that the residents never get any sleep. "The residents love him here," Ling says. Lucy brings a patient named "Walter" over and asks him why he's carrying a baseball bat. He says it's to defend himself from the pygmies. He says that Marty told him about them. Many glances are exchanged, and lots of sighs are sighed.

"Pygmies are a peaceful people," John says as he gets up from behind his desk. Ling is explaining the situation to John and Richard. John continues to spout pygmy facts. Richard says that the contract states that people can be ejected at manager's discretion. John says that he thinks maybe he himself was a pygmy in a former life. Ling says that the judge has already called a meeting and that she wants John to go with her because it's a "funny little case." Richard asks whether Marty believes in these things. Ling says she doesn't think so, but that she can't be sure. John asks what her relationship is to Marty. "Look, I like old people, sue me," Ling says. But she wants to sue the nursing home first. She said it, not me. "Pygmies are a peaceful people," John says again, to Richard, as they walk off. "It's the Aborigines who were vicious."

Ally and Elaine walk through the office without saying anything so that we can scream over their terrible peasant blouses. Eyehair walks in. Ally tries to be sexy and asks if he's come to make a citizen's arrest. He says he came for an apology. She has to put her finger in her mouth. He asks her to dinner. Elaine says she'd like to go. Ally tells her to leave. She agrees to dinner. Glance, glance, glance, smile. All this glancing is making for hardly any dialogue.

The trial has begun. Lucy is telling the judge that Marty has convinced the other residents that cannibals and creatures roam the halls of the home at night. The other residents are all in the audience, watching and smiling. They got Cheswick from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, because he only plays people in homes. Lucy tells some of Marty's stories. Everyone is giggling. Marty is mouthing the story as she tells it. Lucy says that Marty had organized Wheelchair Races. "You don't even want to picture the nude Olympics," she adds. More giggles from everyone. Ling says that Marty organizes dances, sing-alongs, and other functions. She says that everyone is fond of him. Ling says that often people throw out people they're fond of. "That isn't fair, Ling," Lucy says, "You don't know what goes on." Ling asks the court to strike what she knows because she doesn't know anything. I love Ling. Lucy says she thinks that Marty needs some counseling for bouts of delusion. Ling asks whether Marty is a danger to anybody. Lucy says that some of the residents suffer from delusion, and that his stories pose a threat to those susceptible people. "He is making it impossible for me to run this home." The oboe plays while we glance, glance, glance at each other.

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Ally McBeal




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