Ally McBeal
In Search Of Pygmies

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In Search Of Pygmies

Ally finds out that Eyehair is an oncologist. He does research. Ally wonders how the cute cancer-fighting boy doesn't have a girlfriend. He says he doesn't get out much. He says that dating isn't really for him. Ally sluts that it isn't more dangerous than driving a car. This makes Eyehair laugh. He's got a weird laugh. It's a series of snorts and fits and giggles. It goes on for quite some time while Ally is mortified. She says that they should order. He asks whether she's ever hit someone with her car before. She says it was her first, and that no man has ever rear-ended her before either. Well, I remember the clip, and I'm pretty sure she was getting rear-ended in the car wash. Eyehair begins his obnoxious laugh again, and Ally tries to stuff his face with a napkin when people begin to stare. She then hides behind her menu. I try to hide too, but this show won't go away.

Elaine asks Ally how bad a laugh could be. Ally says it sounds like a cow giving birth. She says she spent the rest of the night talking about AIDS or the Holocaust (which she pronounces "Ho-Low-Cost") or Linda Tripp. She just didn't want him to laugh again. Elaine asks when Ally's going to see him again. Ally says never. A huge bouquet of flowers walks through the elevator. "Ally McBeal?" the delivery boy asks. "Oh, God, NO!" Ally whines. Three thousand dollars worth of vehicle damage and she's pissed because she just got sent a $500 bouquet. Grow up!

Cage has one of the residents on the stand. He asks why she carries a laser gun. She says it's to shoot pygmies. He asks if the home is really plagued by pygmies. She asks if he's ever been in a nursing home, and explains that it's usually pretty boring -- just a bunch of people sitting around waiting to die. But she likes her place because it's fun and exciting and there are creatures and dragons and such. They dance, sing and play games, all because of Marty. I keep waiting for them to call up Scatman Crothers and go play "Kick the Can."

Ling, Richard and John tell Marty that they want to put him on the stand, but that it's important he doesn't come of as "crackers," as Richard put it. John says that Marty has to come off as "controllable." Ling asks him to act like a "reasonable person" for a day. He says that's dreadful. Marty says that he doesn't like wasting one day of his life. John says that Marty's days in the home are going to be numbered if he doesn't co-operate. The glances go in time to the oboe. Glance, glance, glaaaance, glaaaaaaaaance!

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Ally McBeal




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